Lately I have been feeling super uninspired and completely devoid of topics that I feel are worthy of elaboration. [Tangent: This week marks some dark anniversaries for me, so I am trying to keep things light and playful and fun.] I missed the boat on writing anything of substance about Thanksgiving. Sorry guys. There was turkey. There was family. There were Portuguese water dogs. There were leftovers. There was terrible bloating from aforementioned leftovers. Tale as old as time, right?
However, my biggest takeaway from the holiday, besides the obvious thankfulness and green bean casserole and whatnot, was that the 90's was definitely the hay day of stupid and mostly not subtly vulgar kiosk t-shirts. [Tangent: OK, your mind is reeling, so let me connect the dots from Point A (Thanksgiving) to Point B (tacky t-shirts). The weekend after my family thanksgiving, I did a "friendsgiving" with some of my friends from trivia. We played a really fun game that consisted of completing sentences and then guessing who said what. One of the questions was "what would you not wear to a funeral?" and after ruling out a couple answers, I said "Big Johnson T-shirt". This led to some furious googling and explaining to those that were unfamiliar what they were. Hilarity ensued.] Kids today are just deprived of such ensembles.
When I was younger there were so many 100% cotton ways to show your peers that you were, in fact, awesome: No Fear, Big Dog, Hypercolor. You role up to 2nd period in a Peace Frogs shirt- people took notice. [Tangent: Because I wasn't awesome, no one took notice, I never had any of these. :( I think I may have had a Peace Frogs sticker on my 5-Star, but I was on my parent's payroll and there was no way in hell that they were gonna spend $20 on a t-shirt. My frugality comes honestly.]
If you wanted to tell people that you were not only awesome, but in fact were gettin' some (but probably not) then you had options too: Big Johnson and Co-ed Naked. I'm pretty sure that they became banned in our school system (rightfully so), but that didn't stop Gadzooks and Spencer's from cranking them out and dispensing them to horny 15-year-old boys nationwide. Also, I can't promise preteen Kimmie didn't totally have crushes on boys that owned the following...thank god times have changed [WARNING: I apologize in advance for the terrible double entendres that are about to ensue. To be honest, I picked the "classiest" ones, if you wanna fall down the rabbit hole and see more (more raw, uncut options), click here or here. . Please for the love don't simply google "coed naked" or "big johnson" without specifying...because you will not get t-shirts. You've been warned] :
So yeah those exist, and people in some circles still wear them and find them incredibly witty. So, here is my question: since hipsters are totally co-opting 90s chic in their present fashion donning flannels and combat boots, is it only a matter of time before these relics reemerge into the zeitgeist? If they do, I totally called it...but am sad about humanity.