Friday, March 29, 2013

an open letter to my deviant followers

Advisory: This is not directly aimed at one person  but rather several people, unfortunately.


Dear "you know who you are"-

Thanks for taking an interest in my blog. I get really excited when I see that that my page has a new "like" on Facebook or a shiny new face has popped up in Google Friend Connect. However,  when I look closer into your profile and learn that you are simply interested in my writing because you have some kind of kink for wheelchair chicks....I am not endeared. Why do I jump to such conclusions about your character? Oh, maybe its because you are a single dude in your mid 40s who is only friends with women with disabilities or the fact that each of your other "likes" revolve around the devotee community [Tangent: Seriously, look it up. There's a world of weird out there.]. Subtlety is not your strong suit.

When I named my blog "That Girl in the Wheelchair"or made the corresponding Facebook page,  I was ill prepared for this kind of attention. For me, the moniker was supposed to be a not so tongue-in-cheek way to state the obvious, and not a signal that my freak flag was flying.[Tangent: Again, I'm sure you are a lovely, really. I am sure that you are upstanding members of your civic communities and pay your taxes on time and all that jazz...but I feel like you are barking up the wrong wheelchair.] Sorry fellas.

Surely, you are also disappointed with the content of my site, because its mostly mundane stories. blah blah...Full House reruns....blah blah...Target....blah blah...poop joke.... I am sure you were seeking women in wheelchairs in thigh highs looking seductively handicapped. Although, I love hosiery as much as the next gal, that is just not what you are gonna see here and I thought you should be aware. In fact, I rarely even post pictures of solely me sitting around in my chair.

Don't worry- I don't judge your left of center past time [Tangent: Who am I kidding? I judge a little.] but I just don't really wanna be included in it. I guess I should be flattered but it kinda just makes me feel like I need a shower....and don't let that be an invite for more grossness. 

Thanks so much for your time and attention (but take it elsewhere). 

Kimmie

Thursday, March 28, 2013

the real housewives vs. downton abbey- money can't buy you class

In November, my sister bought me a Roku box and gave me complete access to her Netflix account on a conditional basis...that I would watch Downton Abbey so she can have someone to discuss it with. [Tangent: She along with everyone else in my life. My boyfriend was done with all the episodes light years ago and has been telling me relentlessly that I needed to hop the train to Downton, but I have been hesitant.] Every time Kelly comes to visit, she is incredulous as to why I haven't knocked out at least the first season, yet I can verbatim describe any and all seasons of The Real Housewives to her. [Tangent: Except maybe Miami and DC...because those are both awful to me.]

Truth be known, I am a born multitasker, if I am watching TV, I am generally also playing a game on my phone or blogging or texting or something completely crucial to my existence. Downton Abbey requires (and deserves) my full attention- The Housewives don't [Tangent: Sorry Ramona!] so given the option- I generally pick Bravo-lebrities over British manor inhabitants.


With all the construction time this week, I have decided to take this opportunity to delve into Downton with my mom...and guess what guys? The Housewives and Abbey folks are one in the same. MO MONEY MO PROBLEMS...and I kinda love every minute of it. [Tangent: From 90210 to The OC - I have always been drawn to rich people drama and thank God now I diversifying to enjoy British rich people drama. Aren't I versatile?]  

You want proof that the botoxed bitches and the manor dwellers are cut from the same cloth? Oh don't worry- aside from the standard money matters, family drama, secrets and lies, I've got scads of evidence that I have really basically been watching Downton all these years on Bravo.  


Every time man-hungry googly eyed Edith steps on the screen, I literally find myself saying, "Oh honey- tone it down a notch." The same could be said about Atlanta's Kim Zolciak [Tangent: Pre-Kroy of course...because we all now that saint of a man has made her gosh darned loveable.] who likewise used to look for love in all the wrong places. I know Edith doesn't wear wigs or release club Jamz (and is actually more of a strawberry blonde), but she wreaks of desperation and I want her to find her Kroy. [Tangent: I'm still in the midst of season one guys- so don't tell me if she does or not!]

 OH THOMAS! Where can I start with you....why do you gotta perpetuate the "gay men as pot stirrers" stereotype. Years of worshipping at the Housewives thrown has taught me that where there is a gay henchmen, there is trouble and shade being thrown. [Tangent: Miss Lawrence, Dwight, Derek J, that weird guy Frankie who lived with Jeana in the OC...et al.]


Whether it be in Europe or Beverly Hills, the English really do over- the-top right. Of course, The Vanderpump household aka Villa Rosa can not compare to the behemoth that is the Abbey, but it is definitely going to try.


 Jewels are something that all these women excel at. More specifically they are semi-pro in the arena of chunky statement necklaces. I gotta say, though, that Lady Cora and Mary kick the asses of their more modern counterparts. [Tangent: Kim Richards, seriously, what is that pearl choker about? Blame it on the alcohol?]


 Whether its meeting with the Dowager Countess or simply tending to your correspondence in the garden, the ladies of Downton are not afraid to rock the shit out of a crazy chapeau...and neither is Sonja "in the city" Morgan of NYC.  Any mundane occasion can call for a "say something" hat.



One wouldn't think Bates has anything to do with a rich lady on the surface, but hear me out. Both NYC's Aviva and Mr. Bates have a leg-related disability that they try to rise above but is constant dwelled on by others. [Tangent: I'm looking at you Ramona!] As much as they try to move past it, someone who has it out for them is like, "hey remember about your leg!"


Although Miami is a season I don't watch much of, I am well aware of the "I will cut you" matriarch Mama Elsa. I would almost pay money to see Elsa and the Dowager Countess get into a heavily accented argument. I daresay Maggie Smith would kick her ass, without changing expression at all [Tangent: And that stoicism is not due to botox! That's just years of practice not giving a f@#k!]


Whether it be the kooky weird baroque black and red bordello apartment belonging to NYC's Alex and Simon or Jill Zarin's showplace- the Housewives definitely are not strangers to having the best of the best when it comes to interiors as well as exteriors. Remember in Atlanta when Sheree was furnishing her daughter's first big girl apartment and they spent 10's of thousands in one store! Yeah, that's Downton-style!

So many tension filled formal dinners on both shows! Any ol' Tuesday can call for an occasion to put on your best floor length gown and sit around a long table with your loved (or not so loved) ones and let the tension fly. OK, so far no one has flipped a dinner table in the Grantham household or called someone a "Prostitution whore," but I'm only through season 1, so I assume it's on the horizon. Come on, lady Mary totally has it coming! She sucks.  

Everyone knows, I love gingers, but the rumor is they are soulless...and these divisive ladies aren't helping matters. Both O'Bryan and the matriarch of the Manzo clan are fiercely loyal, but terrible instigators. You either love 'em or hate 'em. Although, I am definitely on team Caroline, I can see where she can be as abrasive as a house frau with awkward bangs.

Some people may think tea parties after the age of seven are a lost art, but not in Downton (or Bev Hills). Although they seem like very formal affairs on the surface, there is no civility about it. On both shows, if tea is being doled out, then you no so is truth! [Tangent: let's not forget that a tea party is where everyone found out Taylor's ex was beating her or where Brandi confronted Adrienne about suing her!] When the crumpets roll out the shit hits the fan. Thank Allah that Lisa Vanderpump brought this Euro tradition to Southern California.

 On the property of Downton Abbey, the valets, handmaids, housekeepers and footmen play as big a role as the rich people. Unfortunately, aside from Luann's housekeeper (who basically raised her kiddos) and Sonja Morgan's random interns who do God knows what, we rarely get too attached to any of their servants [Tangent: Except maybe Kim Zolciak's assistant Sweetie.]. Drag. Luckily, some of the housewives have devoted their lives to servitude. Yolanda Foster says her husband is king, and it is her job in life to keep a tidy house and keep gourmet meals on his table and serve him. I'm sure this mantra would make sweet Daisy proud.


Case closed...and like I said I am only a season in, so I am sure the similarities will roll in even more. Wish me luck. I can't wait to find out if Lady Cora releases club anthem like her modern counterpart Countess Luann. 


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Hey! Look at this cool thing - fig sign hand sculpture

Fair warning- lots of changes are going on to the interior of my residence. The floors are being ripped up and the kitchen is being remodeled, and this weekend- 30 years of boxes were gone through in the garage.  So, what does this mean for my blog? Well, I pretty much am holed up in my bedroom to avoid the dust and madness [Tangent: Also, our contractor totally walked in on me in the bathroom yesterday while I was sitting on the toilet, so things may be slightly awkward. Trying to keep our interactions to a minimum. ] and sorting through some of the junk/treasures found in the garage. This means a lot of show and tell blogs that I like to call, "Hey! Look at this cool thing!" [Tangent: A featurette!]

My grammy retired early and spent her golden years traversing the world and hoarding kooky ethnic collectibles from her travels. This means when I was wee, every year for christmas I would get a giant elephant Pendant from ZImbabwe or a creepy ass folk doll  or child sized lederhosen. [Tangent: In retrospect, these were the coolest grammy presents ever...but then I was wee, her eccentricities were a bit lost on me and I was thinking "great I wanted a Barbie Corvette and instead I got a Rhino carved out of ebony!"] She passed away when I was 16, and since then we have had boxes of her stuff from storage in our garage.

When going through them, and sorting what we would keep....display or send to goodwill- we found perplexing things like this:


My family and Jamie and I all took turn theorizing what it might be all about. It loooked a bit like a rough hewn wooden fist playing "I got your nose." Because Catfish taught me the art of reverse google image searching, I gave that a shot...but apparently this statue looks like tight shots of weiners and vaginas and people going at it in a variety of positions. WOAH!?! Google- I am simply trying to research an antique- stop being a perv!

Because search engines were giving me nothing but pornography, I posted the pic on facebook and then continued bouncing ideas around my den. [Tangent: Meanwhile, Jamie is using it as a unicorn horn or stuffing it up his sleeve like a deformed baby hand and creepily stroking my cheek with it. I am dating a mature adult.] Suddenly my mom had an epiphany that it could be sign language, so I quickly went through my ASL alphabet and realized that is the sign language sign for "T" which was the first initial of Grammy's married name. [Tangent: That's a hand-me-down from middle school, when every girl (and maybe some boys) in my grade learned the sign language alphabet so you could communicate across the classroom with your friends during class. If memory serves, it was VERY inefficient, and therfore isn't my primary line of long distance communication today.]

I truly felt like a Hardy Boy...and that I had solved some hohum mystery that was rocking my world, until yesterday some new information enterred the facebook thread that had simmered into a mix of hand puns and black panther jokes [Tangent: I love my friends.] My friend Chad  dropped some knowledge about this statue. He informed me that he had inherited a similar one from his grandfather...and that it might be something called the fig sign. 


So what's the fig sign mean? Take it away Wikipedia...
 The dulya (Belarusian: дуля; Czech: fík; Hungarian: fityisz, füge; Lithuanian: špyga; Macedonian: шипка; Montenegrin - šipak; Polish: figa; Croatian: figa, figu; Russian: кукиш, шиш, дуля, фига, фиг; Slovak: figa; Slovene: fig; Serbian: шипак; Turkish: Nah; Ukrainian: дуля; Yiddish: פייג), or the fig sign, is a mildly obscene gesture used in Turkish and Slavic culture and some other cultures that uses two fingers and a thumb, but not equal to the finger in Anglo-American culture.

The finger position is an approximate representation of glans penis, which is reflected in the name (in Russian "шиш", literaly "pine cone", is a metonym for penis or tip of the penis). This gesture is most commonly used to refuse giving of aid or to disagree with the target of gesture. Usually it is connected with requests for a financial loan or assistance with performing physical work.


So what does the statue mean? Well, I am sticking with my first inclination that it was some kind of representation of my Grammy's last initial, but I kinda love the idea of this very prissy retiree mixing an ode to a "glans penis" into her decor. [Tangent: OH GOD! I just realized how my search terms are gonna run off the rails after this post. Oh well.] Now back to avoiding eye contact with the contractors.

Monday, March 25, 2013

my new/old/sexy/vintage/FREE chair

Over the past month or so, I have become completely disenfranchised with Craigslist. Quite unsuccessfully I have been trying to sell some things for my mom at really discounted prices....basically just because we needed the room- and they were literally and figuratively not budging. [Tangent: I know the drill on Craigslist. They should consider changing their domain to LetTheBuyerBeware.com because something can be billed "like new" yet it smells like halitosis and fecal matter and the "nice sellers" are extras from The Hills Have Eyes.  Or they come to buy and wander around your garage asking if you have any guns to sell. Yeah, that happened. ] I guess people assume the worst when they see two large pieces of furniture going for $80/set so no one bites, so I have to continue to stare at two extra sofas stacked like jenga blocks in the corner for a month.

Just when I was about to turn my back on the site entirely, the sofa/loveseat combo finally sold to a nice couple who were completely overjoyed with their purchase...oh and I scored the best find ever. for myself...  and, it was completely 100% FREE! Brace yourself, because it's pretty fantastic.

 How did I acquire this? Through sheer serendipity and blogging unity- that's how. About a week and a half ago, I got the following email message from one of my favorite internet friends, Eartha Kitsch, telling me of an awesome find she found on the free section, that seemed amazing but she had no room for it on the ranch. I knew it would scooped up soon, because hell, look at that beauty. [Tangent: Truthfully, I have no where to put this chair either, but I know it would look killer at Jamie's house for the time being until I find a place for its grandeur or we cohabitate, whichever comes first.] After about five seconds, I decided to send them an "I WANT IT" email based solely on the following picture.


[Tangent: We all know that photography can be misleading and this could be just a flattering angle. The hand on the hip/shoulders back downshot of the furniture world. For all I knew the seat could be tattered and coated in cat pee/human blood ....or worse yet as Earth suggested- it could be haunted.]The seller never responded...so I pretty much gave up hope that I would even get to meet this possible ghost chair. I moved on.

Then on Friday evening, the seller emailed me telling me they were moving on Saturday and couldn't move this chair because its heavy and they had no space for it and if I still wanted it- it was mine. I didn't want to drive to Madison if i was just gonna be taking it to Goodwill, so I made sure to ask, "Is this chair a trainwreck." They confirmed that it was old [Tangent: Duh. That is kinda what I love about it.] but aside from some wear on the legs it was a good chair- just heavy as lead elephants. SOLD.

We went to pick it up Saturday afternoon and it was love at first sight.  I mean look at that leather. Like buttah!

Thankfully, I basically drive a moving van, so I was easily able to transport this piece to Jamie's house.  This way I could also keep an eye on it in my rearview mirror the whole time.


 I think Maybe Jamie is even more smitten with it than I am.



SO thanks again Eartha Kitsch! I am glad you shared the free vintage awesomeness and good craigslist juju with me. Now my boyfriend and I have joint custody of a beautiful chair that I feel like I should only sit in wearing a mod pantsuit whilst drinking brandy....maybe the chair ghosts will join me.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

been caught stealing...once when I was 30.

So I'm sorta Catholic, and it's lent, right? If my memory of CCD from 12 years ago serves, Lent is a time for repentance/renewal and abstaining from ultra fun vices. [Tangent: blah.] I'm choosing to see it as a time to come clean. Since I'm a shitty when its convenient kinda catholic [Tangent: like I don't go to mass or anything but I had hefty opinions about the new pope and watched it closer than a sporting event.(Subtangent: Whenever I say "new pope"...i think  "new coke" which makes it sound almost gimmicky...very "Catholicism Wow!")], I have incessant guilt about very trivial missteps and I feel the need to come clean.

About a year ago, I signed up to get a free copy of the book of essays Awkward Moments with Men as long as I promised to write an Amazon review for it. Because I am a complete sucker for anything with the word "free" attached, it didn't matter if it was a guidebook on training miniature horses, I would have signed on immediately. [Tangent: Thankfully, it was an enjoyable read and did not revolve around animal husbandry.] It actually seemed like a really ingenious way to get books in hands and get feedback so more people would give it a go. 



Likely I got distracted by a shiny object or something because I didn't ever give it a  review.  While discussing how overwhelming it is to write book reviews with my friend Laura who is a blogger/mama/former librarian, it all came back like a flash...I NEVER WROTE AN AMAZON REVIEW. I stole a book. [Tangent: Theft is a big deal for me. When I worked in retail, the only true joy I got from my job was catching people who were shoplifting. They were always teens with designer purses and phones nicer than mine, so I really had no qualms about being bitchy to them when they were slipping body splashes or overpriced underwear into their Dooney & Burkes.]  After reading the book,  I lent it to my friend Angi and I guess I forgot. Out of sight outta mind, I gather. 

So, today because I am trying to live guilt free- I decided to finally write my review for this book that I took under false pretenses. Anyway, its duo of authors Shannon Lee Miller and Meghan Byrd have Nashville ties, so I gotta do right by my people.  Better late than never and because of my sloth, they got their own blog post- which is totally better, right? 


It really was pretty good...so support your local ladies and check it out...and try not to be creeped out by the "If you like this, then you'll like this" suggestions that Amazon gives you at the bottom of the page. They miss the mark a teench.  

What's the difference for a pen "for her" and a pen "for him.?" I'm afraid to ask (and also completely breezing past the "lust in space" costume.)

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

fat kid reviews: next level Girl Scout cookie experience

Maybe unemployment has exacerbated my trashy tendencies...or maybe I am a genius? I will leave that up to you to determine. Tonight, my inner fat kid made a tremendous taste discovery whilst watching a Logo documentary on G.L.O.W aka The Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling, [Tangent: I KNOW! I have been excited about it all day. When I was little, I guess I had little parental supervision because I remember being a wee lass and being glued to our giant 80's TV watching ladies in french cut leotards and glitter throw each other around on a regular basis. I loved it. They were like a live action Jem and the Holograms. Luckily, my ginger grew up with a TV as a babysitter, too, so he was equally excited with my evening plans for us. ]

While watching a large Samoan lady throw around the Farmer's Daughter in the ring, I was reminded that we were smack dab in one of the most joyous times of year for inner fat kids everywhere: Girl Scout Cookie time! [Tangent: Let it be known Jamie just came up with the Samoan/Samoa connection. I must credit him with being clever...not me.]


Every year I go to the ends of the earth to get my Girl Scout cookie fix. Everyone has their must haves, but for me- there are only three options: Thin Mints, Samoas and Tagalongs. [Tangent: Don't even get me started on the now extinct Lemon Chalet Creams, which were my favorite and were substituted with Savannnah Smiles, which taste like dry pudding mix. Yuck. I could seriously rant about that for eons. ] aka the Holy Trinity! [Tangent: Is that sacrilege? I don't even now anymore.] 

As if by serendipity, my mom gifted me a jar of Nutella today because I have been craving it for days and then shit got real. 

 Because I am  no stranger to ridiculous gluttony, I dipped each variety of fundraiser cookies into the chocolate hazelnutty goodness....and magic happened.  They were all delicious, but the Samoa + the nutella is truly a game changer. TRY IT NOW. Thank me later .


 As a cliche blogger move, I will leave you with this closeup picture of something delicious.

Monday, March 18, 2013

a little bit of this and that (and some vintage PSAs)

Ugh. I am really not a fan of change and just when I get the hang of things- something changes. [Tangent: Like remember the whole blogger/blogspot debacle? Did it change? Are they different things now? I am incredibly out of the loop.] Well apparently they are doing away with google reader and bloggers everywhere are in a tizzy. Breathe, folks. We will get through this.



There are a couple solutions- you can like me on ye olde book of Faces or via twitter This way you can be on alert when I post something. If you are a slave to the "reader" format, which does make things easier if you are a blog hoarder like me, you can import all your blogs into bloglovin. You can add my blog, by clicking the bloglovin link up top or here:

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

 
Ok, now that that boring public service announcement is outta the way- I have exciting news. Today,  my dinky blog is being showcased on the Behind the Blog feature that runs regular on About What I Said.  [Tangent: You can read it here.] People actually read this blog so I am super excited because Melissa is a pretty big deal who has been featured in Glamour and has several reoccuring columns in important periodicals. Plus she gets a shit ton of traffic which is fun!

 This is likely the closest I will ever get to having a Behind the Music, so I am soaking it up like a dry sponge. [Tangent: Dang. I miss Behind the Music. Did they just run out of tragic musicians to profile or did they just fall into the MobWives/Flava of Love/I Love New York vortex and were unable to return to normalcy? Were you ever truly disappointed that the stories got less and less interesting as the series wore on? You can only have one Poison and one Leif Garrett, I guess. ]

Now for some actual public service announcements. Maybe you will learn something. Hope you fellow Nashvillians are surviving the downpour! Now go learn about how to say hugs not drugs.



...and who can forget this classic. 

Sunday, March 17, 2013

an app happy review: in InstaLove with InstaThis

You all know how infatuated I am with instagram, right? It can make little old me look like I have some semblance of photographic talent even if I have no clue what an aperture is. The only downside of Instagram is that you can't just send them to Walgreens to get printed....and when you try to print them at home- the results are always lackluster. [Tangent: Trust that I have tried and it usually looks like garbage.] Also, square picture frames are not as easy to find as one would think. Thankfully, several online retailers have jumped on this untapped market by selling frameless options for people to print their Instagram art!

After reading up on a couple, I was eager to try out InstaThis , because having my pieces printed on wood or acrylic seemed like an intriguing concept, so I sent them a quick note telling them I wanted to review their product and shabam....within a week or so- this was sitting on my doorstep. [Tangent: I know it looks like a pizza. Normally I would be let down, but this was better than a pizza, which is a hard feat. Few things are better than a pizza, let's just be honest with ourselves.]




Because the lovely people of InstaThis were doing me a solid by sending me a free sample of their product for review, I expected the smallest  6x6 size. To my surprise, I opened the cute geometric print tissue to reveal not one, but TWO,  full size 10 x10 prints printed on sturdy wood [Tangent: They also included the screws needed for hanging my new art,  but the walls of my abode already resemble a TGI Fridays. Thankfully,  I found some shelf space for them immediately]. SO SPOILED!



When I ordered them, I wasn't sure what to expect. Part of me thought it would just be an image basically decoupaged on the wooden or acrylic surface, [Tangent: Let's face it mod podging isn't that impressive.] but my assumptions were unfounded- these things kick ass! I wish you could tell by my shoddy photography, but the image is actually directly printed onto the birch wood, so you can see and feel the wood grain through the colors. That is what I think makes it worth the $30-$60 price tag. I am a sucker for a woodgrain after all.



Like a good blogger, I thought I would show you how I chose to showcase them as seen through the instagram filter. [Tangent: How else would you take a picture of your instagram prints?]. The top one was destined for my bookshelf given the subject matter. It's not everyday that I am able to take a picture of bridge grafitti whilst driving on a gloomy day on 8th Avenue.  Thank goodness for bumper to bumper traffic for giving me a chance to ditch my hand controls momentarily.

I see you...peeping my bookshelf. Don't judge.
Also,  I love the way the swing picture I took at the Wilson County Fair looks next to my Target dollar aisle "touchdown" Buddha! The Buddha looks so excited about it...nearly as stoked as I was.





At the end of the day, I'm very smitten with my new InstaThis showstoppers and think they are something I will cherish for a long time. In fact, I have already started brainstorming what I will order next. Because I am unnaturally thrifty,  I would probably feel weird paying $50 for another print for myself, but this would make an awesome wedding,  baby or housewarming gift.

Definitely give the user friendly site a look see by clicking here and remember that they have bundling bargains if you buy multiples. What do you guys think? How would you display these suckers? Have you had any experience with Instagram printing companies?

Friday, March 15, 2013

I'm doing it wrong: lady gaga gold wheelchair edition

Occasionally I will be out in public, getting my to-go soup at Publix or just generally minding my own business in an elevator and someone will approach me to compliment me on my wheelchair.  It's usually not even just a casual comment....many times it is an excessive amount of enthusiasm and sometimes I'm not sure how to accept it. [Tangent: Usually  these people haven't even witnessed the cool secret features of my chair...like how it leans all the way back or raises up to eye level. Hence why I never fully understand their compliment.] It's always nice to hear, but its not like I crafted it oragami birds; I mean, it really is just a wheelchair, after all. Let's put it in perspective- the wheelchair isn't curing AIDS.

see. nothing that incredible.

Trust that I have seen a lot of wheelchairs in my life [Tangent: I own 4 and am like the Jay Leno of wheelchairs.] and none of them have ever particularly melted my butter. I mean, a wheelchair is a wheelchair is a wheelchair, right? Well, I thought so, until a friend showed me this article and told me I had to delve into it.

Ugh. Once again, Lady Gaga is outdoing me with her 24 carat wheelchair with quilted leather seats.


 The Fame Monster  had this stunner commissioned after undergoing surgery for a torn hip muscle, and although I am usually not one for the flashy, I gotta admit this thing is pretty badass. [Tangent: This is not the first time I've written about  Gaga going gaga for mobility equipment. I wrote about her wheelchair mermaid fetish here.  Then, in her Paparazzi video and on her tour, she was rocking the crutches and wheelchair like they were a Hermes bag. I guess some disabled folks were offended, but why would I care if she wants to be like us!?!? Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery...so lighten up folks!]



Although I am not frivolous, I kinda think Gaga's leather wheelchair canopy is something I need in my life NOW.  Since it's a temporary seat for her, can I at least have it when she's done. I do look good in gold tones.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

pugs and karaoke with "say it ain't so" rae

If you have ever heard me speak...you can imagine that my singing voice is not good. Due to crappy lungs and a jacked up right vocal cord, I would give Cee-Lo little reason to turn around his chair.  [Tangent: It's a little like putting gravel through a cheese grater, whilst humming with a mouthful of crackers. Very unpleasant. ] However, I LOVE singing...like way more than I should along to the radio, to TV commercials to the loop of useless song lyrics that marquee in my mind....anything! So, naturally, when my friend Rae and I started discussing the fact that she had an Karaoke Revolution Presents: American Idol Encore for the Wii,  I immediately invited myself over. [Tangent: There are the bloggers I stalk online and then those I know in real life. Rae of Say It Ain't So is one I actually call a friend outside the confines of the internet. She and I have several levels of connectivity. In college, she was my upstairs neighbor and we had an art class together, but we never hung out really. She also worked at the mall at the same time as me. but again- we never really hung out. It's as if fate was trying to tell us to be friends. Eventually, we started playing pub trivia at the Flying Saucer together and mutually stalked each others blogs. Finally official friendship was activated. ]

don't I look at home behind the mic?
 If you haven't played Idol Karaoke before, drop everything and play it right now. It is completely ridiculous. Just like the show you can sing along to a variety of extremely random songs after which Randy, Paula and Simon will tell you how amazing or in my case "lousy" you truly are at singing. Because I can't sing unless I am doing so Eddie Vedder style, I started off with a song that matched my range. Black Hole Sun seemed like a good option, and because I love 90s angst,  I assumed I knew all the words. Spoiler Alert: I didn't...and that song is completely nonsensical. [Tangent: Sorry Soundgarden but I have clearly been singing more logical lyrics in the car all these years, because I didn't remember a thing about snakes or cream. Oh well. ]  

I tried to redeem myself with "Come Sail Away" by Styx and duets of "Copacabana" and Beyonce's "Irreplaceable" [Tangent: Which I proudly didn't even need to look at the lyrics for.], but it was all my power fisting belting was completely futile. There was no way I could compete with Rae, who gave a very impressive rendition of the Fergie classic "Glamourous." 

Ryan and Rae really selling it

trying to dance like their onscreen avatars hence the blur

jamie doesn't really sing...at all. So, he stayed on the couch under a pile of pugs.
Our friend Ryan had to go leave to participate in a Back to the Future trivia contest for a podcast taping [Tangent: True story!], so we defaulted to having a doggie fashion show with Rae and Travis's two pugs Phyllis and Priscilla. [Tangent: If you follow her blog, you probably are familiar with these two internet celebrities. They are both disabled rescue dogs. Phyllis has 3 legs and Priscilla is 85% blind. The are adorable.]
it all started with this jaunty look....
...and then this happened.

Yeah, all  in all Tuesday was a good day. In addition to the above shenanigans, I got hooked up with a creative staffing agency so I can hopefully find some freelance that actually pays and I ate a Cracker Barrel breakfast.  Can we say perfect day?
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