Tuesday, December 31, 2013

tonight I'm gonna party like it's 1992

Today I was gonna write my ode to 2013, but sincerely, I have no idea where to begin...so instead I am going rogue and instead yammering on about what is plaguing my mind...what do I wear tonight? For New Year's Eve, Jamie and I are going to see My So-Called-Band at Cannery. Ringing in 2014 by jamming to music from the 90s?!? How could this not be ideal. [Tangent: My So-Called-Band plays pretty regularly and it seems it always falls on a night when I can't go for whatever reason. I am really excited to actually be able to go.]

Well, because I am...well...me, I of course want to look the part so have been brainstorming 90s inspired ensembles. Only, I don't want to pay anything and would hope that I could construct something out of things I already own. I pretty much already dress like Daria on a daily basis, so maybe that isn't such a stretch. [Tangent: I still have/fit into my beloved plaid pants from Delia's that I "had to have" Freshman year of High School and for some reason also have saved Keds and crocheted vests.] Jamie, of course, has no issue coming up with a look because he has pretty much rotated the same selection of flannel and band tshirts since '96... so he's got options and will basically wear a reworked version of what he wears any given Tuesday. 

Yesterday, I was at the mall with my friend Alex, who is in town for Christmas, and we hopped into Forever 21, where I pretty much just felt terribly old as soon as I crossed the threshold. However, looks from my childhood in the 90's are alledgedly in vogue now and aplenty, so I gave them a gander in case I found something for 75% off that would fit the bill. Here is my friend Alex modelling some of them. What the eff is wrong with fashion, teens?

Sure, a lot of things from the 90's I miss, but streetwise Looney Toons characters are not one of them.  I'm not sure why this is "a thing" again. They are atrocious. Make it stop. [Tangent: I went through a huge phase in fifth grade where everything I owned was oversized and emblazoned with a cartoon character. I feel like even I wouldn't have owned this. Also, Taz is possibly the worst of the worst Looney Toons character. Have some respect- at least wear a Sylvester or Tweety or something!]


I was just watching the episode of Girls the other day where Hannah wears short-alls and was thinking, "where does one even buy those nowadays?" Short answer: Forever 21.


 I went to Goodwill as well, but kinda fell short and decided my own closet was probably gonna be my best bet. I guess you'll see tomorrow what I come up with. Happy New Year, everyone! Be safe! What does everyone else have planned?

Monday, December 30, 2013

had myself a merry little christmas (as told by my iPhone)

I feel like I am not doing my job as a blogger. After reading all these super amazing picture-laced entries of cool gifts people got and houses dressed to the nines in kitsch, I felt remiss in not sharing how I celebrated.  My holiday was spent exactly how it needed to be, very laid back and filled with food. I didn't want anything fancy so I got things like a giant box of socks and a body pillow. [Tangent: No, I'm not 75, I just have a decrepit body and like for my perpetually icy feet to be kept cozy...so maybe I am 75. ] Also, I celebrated my two favorite Christmas babies, my mom and my ginger [Tangent: Jamie is born on the 23rd and mom the 26th.] while entertaining my sister and her two 50 pound lap dogs.

To be honest, I am feeling a teench lazy, so here is a recap culled from my phone picture storage. [Tangent: Oh yeah, I finally got a new phone, too! Well, its the same 4s I always had, my mom just paid the insurance deductible so I could get a new one and would no longer be at risk for shards of glass falling from my taped together phone into my ear while I am talking. I'm an adult.] Here are glimpses into what I ate, who I saw and basically how I spent my time around the holidays. Pretend to be interested even though it's in no discernible order. 

the only picture I took of my family's pretty tree...actually the corner of it

my favorite present was a box full of socks! Easy to please!

this is on my tree for some reason.

sweet lulee being adorable

my cozily dressed margarita c/o my friend bethany

I didn't get to see my niece in person, but we skyped like mad! She sang me jingle bells. She's 2...so obviously a genius

doggie party on the couch. [Newman clearly wanted nothing to do with it...because he's a dick]
celebrating Jamie's birthday at "Heathenmas" with some of my trivia friends.
celebrated my mom's birthday with carrot cupcakes and seeing Saving Mr. Banks. SO GOOD!

the gift I was most pscyhed to give was to Jamie. It's by amazing local artist Ryan McCauley. See work here.

My best friends came to visit with sweet baby Claire. Here she is posing with my sister! Little dumpling!

my favorite treat: Ritz crackers with peanut butter dipped in chocolate. I'm so sad I've eaten them all.

So what did you do?

Sunday, December 29, 2013

app happy review: simpsons tapped out...I give up!

OK guys, it has been a while since I have done an app happy review. I used to do them all the time (see here) but lately I realize my phone hoarding is out of control....way too many pictures of my dog and neverending text messages are using up all my space, which makes the real estate on my phone valuable...which means fewer impulse app downloads :( . However recently, after some housekeeping on my OS, I made enough room for a new obsession...one that I am extremely shocked by. My current app obsession is The Simpsons Tapped Out.


Never in my life have I given a damn about any games like this. I have never had the patience for them. When kids were playing Sim Farm in middle school computer class, I was like, "holla, nerds! I got to get back to my Carmen Sandiego and making locker calendars with yin yangs in printshop deluxe. Nobody's got time to construct a fake farm!" I was also that girl who never got the whole point of those Facebook games like Farmville and Yoville and Sorority Life and Mob Wars and all those other ones whose invites you curse when you get them on a daily basis.


To me they were all dumb and pointless. Apparently the missing link to pulling me on board was by including the Simpsons. [Tangent: Little known fact- I am a Simpson's fan. True,  I haven't really actively watched it in years, but growing up and really through college, I never missed an episode. I remember proudly wearing my "Don't Have a Cow" Bart Simpson shirt to second grade and feeling like I was hot shit! I also still know all the words to most of The Simpson's Sing the Blues.] Yep, it was really that simple and now I am shapeshifting into one of "those people".

Basically the game is to build your own version of Springfield and over time you acquire more buildings and townspeople (Ralph Wiggum, Groundskeeper Willie..et al) and through completing quests and interacting with your friends who also play the game to obtain more money and power points and even donuts- which have the magical power of speeding up time. [Tangent: I always hypothesized that donuts were magical and leave it to the Simpsons to confirm my suspicions. Damn...now I want a donut. ] Even as I type all that I realize how lame it sounds...but it's cool I swear. 

Anyway- the game is currently taking over my free time, especially before bed and as I procrastinate getting outta bed in the AM.  At any given moment I am waiting for the Kwik E Mart to generate more scratch off tickets or sending Mr Burns out to walk the hounds...or Ned Flanders out to go power walking. [Tangent: All of these actions are humorous to watch!]


I call it "feeding my tamagochi" because even though I never had one, I suspect that's what it's like....I want my Springfield to thrive so I am constantly nurturing it to a point where I realize what a nerd I am becoming...and I am A-OK with it. If you aren't currently judging me harshly and wanna play, download the app and come play with me! We can deface each others cities and leave each other presents. In the meantime, sing along with me!

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

how to be a thoughtful frugal hermit: mailing things from home the easy way

Anytime I learn about a way to make something easy that was once was a pain in the ass...I feel the need to sing it from the mountaintop! I felt that way about buying glasses online [Tangent: See copious tips and tricks here. ] and now I get that same euphoria of somehow outsmarting the "man" when I ship things.  I have cut the drudgery out of going to the post office and my life is forever changed.


You can thank Miss Laura over at Boo Bobby for inspiring this post...and for my brother who spent probably $60 and 7 rolls of Bounty paper towels (used as padding) to ship us our Christmas presents from California to Nashville.  [Tangent: I realize you all are throwing things at your screen saying "woah! Why are you telling me this now, Kimmie!?! It's a little late to ship things for Christmas and I've already spent the money and waited in line and yelled at a USPS employee." Well, bookmark it and keep it for next December. Better late than never.] There is a way to ship things on the cheap and it's entirely possible you can do it all without leaving your house.

When I lost my job last year and started Ebaying and Poshmarking like a fiend to make a little cash here and there, I learned A LOT of tricks....and I mean game-changing money-saving tricks. So I thought, in the spirit of giving, I would share them with you now [Tangent: Many of you will just be rolling your eyes and again throwing things at the screen because you already know this. BUT I DIDN'T! I had to learn through trial and error and a lot of unnecessary expenditures, so I really thought surely there were other people out there that needed this knowledge.] :


1. FLAT RATE BOXES WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

Step One: If you have to send something heavy a long distance, it can get pricey- so embrace the flat rate boxes at your post office. They will be your best friend. There is usually a display of packing boxes at your local post office to take FREE of charge. Find the ones marked FLAT RATE, and take them...take several, in fact, and stash them away in your closet. They will get used, trust.  [Tangent: If you have played a lot of Tetris in your day, you are good at strategically packing a box. You would be amazed at how much you can fit in the large flat rate box.]

Also, if you are really hermitting hardcore, you can recommend the post office deliver you flat rate boxes free of charge by ordering them here.  They will come right to your door and you pay nothing until you actually send them. Then you won't have to leave the house at all. No waiting in line!!!

Step Two: Once you get them jammed chock full, you can go to USPS.com and print a shipping label [Tangent: No you don't need sticky paper...just paper. I always just tape around the edges with clear packing tape.] Since they are flat rate you are charged anywhere from about $5-$16 to ship them  depending on the size you choose (and when you print the labels off yourself you save  10%). [Tangent: If you don't have a printer, you can always go to the post office and them will make a label for you and send it off, but that would entail you interacting with people and putting clothes on and I am trying to save you these valuable steps!]

Step Three: Likely these big stuffed full of goodies boxes will not fit in your mailbox, but no worries -you still won't have to leave the house to hunt down a big blue box. With a couple clicks, you can easily schedule a USPS pickup and your postman will grab it off your doorstep or any pre-determined spot that you assign on this page [Tangent: It only takes a matter of 2 minutes tops to make the arrangements and this is such a time-saver.] They are priority boxes so your addressee with get them in just a couple days. Everyone's happy! [Tangent: Except maybe the mailman, because he has to walk to your door! So be friendly on major holidays or just whenever. Leave him a $10 gift card in the mail every once in a while. ]

2. Paying more than $1 for supplies is for chumps!
 Alongside the Flat Rate Boxes, you can also get standard boxes and envelopes (bubble or non-bubble, whatever you fancy) if that is the route you wanna go. I have no idea why you would pay for these if they are free to take.

There is absolutely no need for fancy supplies. They are just gonna get ripped apart, because it is truly whats on the inside that counts. If you want a certain size or if someone like me has already ransacked the free packing materials at the Post Office, you can buy everything you need at the dollar store. They have packs of 2-4 bubble envelopes for $1, [Tangent: Insanity considering Staples or Office Depot sells them for $1.50 a piece!] as well as huge rolls of packing tape.

OR, to show you're environmental and a cheap ass, you can do as I do, and just hoard boxes and bubble wrap and packing peanuts from your online shopping escapades to reuse! [Tangent: And/or ask your loving boyfriend to find you boxes at work that are just gonna be tossed. It's good to know people in high places.] I've been known to package something in an old shoebox wrapped in Kroger paper bags; don't judge. Also,  plastic shopping bags and newspaper make excellent padding...and you're sure to have that around.

Sunday, December 22, 2013

mail from the white house...just another thursday!

Disclaimer: I try not to wave the political flag on the Internet. [Tangent: It's blatantly obvious that I am a Democrat (I know I know...you're shocked. Ha.), but I try not to be an asshole about it. This is made really hard sometimes, but I am respectful. ] However, I am gonna wave it for a minute just to show off my super cool Christmas card from the Obamas. [Tangent: No, we aren't close friends outside of my delusional mind. but I like to imagine we could be. One of my nearest and dearest, my friend Draea, has been invited to many White House events and even sat on a round table with Obama, so that's a degree of separation, right?]

 I've gotten a lot of amazing cards this year involving people passed out next to Christmas trees or dressed in holiday sweaters dripping with actual garland,  but the most impressive was the one my family got from the White House.  Yeah, I know it's hard to trump that. [Tangent: I'm not exactly sure what you have to do to be on the Obama's mailing list but I think my folks have donated enough time over the years to the democratic party that they get a lifetime membership or something.] And truly, that that's cool enough...but IT'S A POP-UP, YA'LL! 
 
...and the dogs signed it! How cute is that!


Despite what the cynics say, this president knows what the people want...and the people want pop-up cards with adorable puppies on them!!! In fact, people want them so much...that they are selling them on ebay...and worst yet, people are paying crazy prices for them. 




 Yeah, Jamie and I saw some the other day that had bids on them for $95. Unlike my Lisa Frank trapper keeper that I wrote about selling here,  I refuse to sell the Obama Card. This is historical and whatnot. You gotta draw the line somewhere, folks. [Tangent: Besides they can only accrue value.]

I guess now I have to send them a card, right?  Hope they don't mind getting one in mid-January. Oops. 

PS. In case I don't get around to writing again before Wednesday, hope you guys have an awesome Christmas and/or had a ragin' Hanaukah. Here is a video to help you get spirited away into glad tidings. [Tangent I dare you not to fall down the vortex of parody videos posted by The Pet Collective. Each one is cuter than the last.]


 

PPS. Don't forget to enter my giveaway for fun facial products. The entry form is below and you have a few more days to enter. 


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Thursday, December 19, 2013

treat yo self: giveaway from montagne jeunesse

Hey guys, hope everyone is hanging in there and not going insane in the membrane with impending holiday ballyhoo. If you are at your breaking point and about to hit the hot toddies extra hard, I got some good news... perchance something that will take your stress level down a peg. Get stoked, folks.

 Remember when I got that free box of stuff from Influenster  and posted this ever flattering picture of myself online? Well, apparently the folks over at Montagne Jeunesse [Tangent: I feel fancy even typing that (very carefully while double checking my spelling 10,000x).] were pleased that I enjoyed my glacial facial and wanted to share the joy with all of you people.  They have decided to grant me the power to giveaway three of their fun clay mask products to one lucky reader.
One of you fine folks will get the joy of looking like a cuter version of Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky all whilst making their skin soft as baby's bottom using the following easy to apply masks:

-          Glacial Clay Spa
-          Dead Sea Mud Spa
-          Red Earth Clay Spa

here's the visual
Seriously guys, these masks are fantastic and made my skin texture feel totally invigorated...it was cooling and made me feel like I had just gotten some very pricey pampering at the spa...plus it smelled really fresh and delightful! I'm a little jealous that you get to try all three.

It's super easy to enter, so do it on the handy dandy rafflecopter entry form below. You know you wanna. You deserve it; you're about to survive the holiday crazies...TREAT YO SELF!



a Rafflecopter giveaway

For more info on this sponsor:


Instagram: http://instagram.com/montagnejeunesse 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

awkward family (christmas) photos

Aside from being the rosy cozy snowsy time of year, the holidays are a time to stumble down memory lane and be reminded what an awkward youth you once were, at least for me anyway. [Tangent/Sidenote: I'm officially in seasonal hyperdrive, ya'll. Over the weekend I binged on good tidings going to the Dickens of a Christmas in downtown Franklin and seeing the Rockettes at the Grand Ol Opry. Sprinkled in, I finished up some shopping (online, naturally) and helped decorate the family tree whilst listening to my mother's extensive collection of Christmas CDs. I then actually braved the mall for several hours and watched the Colbert Christmas Special.  So I guess what I'm saying is I am practically oozing egg nog. ] Our family's tree runneth over with a mishmash of nice store bought ornaments and ones that are made of glorified garbage...glitter and yarn encrusted dixie cup snowflakes and toilet paper St. Nicks are hither and yon.  [Tangent: The latter is one that my mom said my class made for the governor as part of a class project. What I wouldn't give to know an elected official's reaction upon learning that he was hanging a felt covered charmin tube on the state's tree.] Then there are the many tree trimmings featuring the class pictures of myself and my siblings! Adorable hairbows for days. 
this girl loved a jaunty bow
As if that wasn't enough,  there's the array of awkward family photos creciendoing across the entry table, so when you walk in you are practically smacked in the face with bold fashion choices and poufy hair...and of course SANTAS! Here are a few of my favorites [...which are photographs of photographs because I am too lazy to scan.]

Circa 1983
It all started like most kids do...being terribly horrifed of a nice bearded dude [Tangent: My how times have changed.]. My sister meanwhile looked just plain bored with the precedings. [Tangent: Also, how half-assed is this Santa? I am 90% certain from the waist up, he is wearing a henley!]

 Circa 1986

I guess by this time, Hickory Hollow (RIP) has worked out the kinks with it's Santas. This one looks pretty legit!  Also, look at my super sweet velour lacoste sweatshirt. When I pointed what a fashion forward 4 year old I was, my mom shared that it was indeed my brother's hand me down. When I chastised her for putting her small daughter, who already is plagued with a very unflattering boy hairdo in a boys shirt, she pointed out that because I am wearing a large angel medallion, my femininity is saved. Rejoice .

Circa 1989
First grade was probably my cutest year...I was two years away from falling down an awkward spiral that would last for about 8 years. Life was good!  This year, my Santa picture was taken with my elementary school principal, Mr. Frank. [Tangent: I really am glad I grew up when I did. Students in my elementary school actually had a good relationship with our principal. Every grade took field trips to his farm, and by the time you had ascended to Middle School, Mr Frank had either pulled one of your baby teeth out or paddled you for getting in trouble. Those were the days. ]

Circa 1990
OK. I don't watch Duck Dynasty so I can't confirm or deny that this dude isn't that old kook from that show, but if not- he is quite possibly just some homeless fella that wandered into 100 Oaks and put on a red suit. As sketch as he looks, I must say 1990 was a good year for Kimmie! Look at that sweet corduroy romper!

Circa 1993ish
Oh god, who is that 47 year old woman who took over my body!?!? I realize no Santa is present in this photo, but there are too many things going on in this picture for me not to share.

Circa 2004(?)
 
I think this is the last picture I took with Santa, and to be honest I am not even 100% where it was taken, but I do know that it looks like this believable Santa just told me a dirty joke and I am trying to look amused. It's probably my favorite of the bunch. 

Happy Holidays!

Thursday, December 12, 2013

music fans are the best/worst: tales from the Pokey LaFarge show

As you may have absorbed if you have read any of my concert blogs, my posts are usually 15% about the amazing musicians that I see and then the other 85%about the ridiculous goings on off stage. [Tangent: The amount of time it took for me to do that math in my head is atrocious.] Sometimes the people watching is equally entertaining to someone like me who is easily distracted.

Last night was my third time in the span of a year seeing Pokey LaFarge live [Tangent: You may remember me getting musically introduced to him on New Years with Old Crow.]. I love Mister LaFarge and with his pristine wingtips and Dapper Dan hair, he can only be described as debonair. Surrounded by the most bad ass bells n' whistles washboard and an amazing backing band, his sound bounces from era to era  in a completely timeless way and is of the quality of someone like Jerry Lee Lewis or Buddy Holly.

Because of this eclectic sound, I came to expect a mixed bag of attendees. However, apparently the only people in my little corner of the side stage were those in the underage set. Ugh. Lucky me. [Tangent: Oh, my bad there was one guy of legal drinking age. I know this because he was drinking a PBR and kept making eye contact and then cheersing strangers around the venue who were also shared his taste in beverages. How Bizarre.]

There is nothing that makes me feel quite as ancient as being surrounded by people with humongous black X's on their hands at a show. I guess this is what I get for thinking I could still hang and go see a band during the traditional work week. I guess the only think that could possibly make my gray strands glow brighter was heaving one of the people near me yell, "THAT'S MY BIRTHDAY!" when Pokey sang the following lyric during What The Rain will Bring:

"Back in '93
The Mississippi had her way with me..."

Oh sweet lord- I can recite episodes of Full House that are older than these kiddos. Half of the youngins  were super cordial and seemed genuinely interested in the show so they didn't bother me much. In fact it made me happy that young people had such broad musical taste. [Tangent: They were WAY cooler that when I was that age.]  It wasn't until too very annoying millennials nudged their way to be basically on top of me for the majority of the main act that I decided that the intentional elbowing was about to commence. [Tangent: If you stand on top of me during a show, be forewarned that I may give you subtle hints to move slightly. Ex: I may slowly cattle prod you to the side with my chair or feel the need to gesture wildly with my hands so I am elbowing you once every 10-15 seconds. ] 

This ire kicked into high gear once I overheard one of the girls say that she had no interest in the act and had never heard of him...and then she just snapchatted and texted away on her phone as she bobbed her head. REALLY!?!? You nudged your way to the front to just take selfies?!?!? I know this sounds crazy because I am in a polygamous relationship with my electronics. I'm a blogger and love social media as much as the next person, but damned people soak it in and STOP instant messaging and checking Facebook during shows. Post your instagram pictures on the toilet later like a normal person. [Tangent: As you can see, your smartphone pics will likely come out blurry anyway.]  FOR PETE'S SAKE- BE PRESENT IN THE MOMENT AND  ENJOY THE SHOW! IT WILL BE OK!!!


Tuesday, December 10, 2013

putting the WTF back in Christmas aka "My foots smooshed in a cupcake"

Being an advertising major, I like to pretend I have some authority to commentate on commercials. [Tangent: I probably don't. Any jagoff could break down the minutiae of a 30 second spot, but a lot of money was spent so I could have a dusty piece of paper reinforce my credibility to do just that. Booyah. ] One aspect of TV spots that have always perplexed me is those that air around the holidays. They have such a limited shelf life (november/december)  that usually one ad is recycled for years at a time. These two are ones that stick out in my mind as seriously being almost as old as  I am, yet replayed as much as Elf this time of year.



However, this year brands are going buck and really getting...ummm creative to say the least. Even if you aren't much of a TV watcher (or if you are the type to FFWD during the breaks) you have likely seen the Kmart/Joe Boxer ad in social media somewhere...you know the one...umm...how do I say this delicately?...the one where men in gaudy boxers they are harmoniously playing jingle bells with their pendulous balls. [Tangent: I like to call it the ding-dong ad. You can watch it here if you are unfamiliar.]

To say the least it is disturbing to think about men making music by jiggling their nether bits, but not nearly as traumatizing and bizarrely brainstormed as the weird cupcake penguin ad from Pier One. This one makes me so uncomfortable. If I was Pier One, I would not draw attention to the fact that a lot of their merchandise is ridiculous. I guess they embrace it and give their weird penguin cupcake decor a super mentally unstable giggle voice.


 So what's traumatizing you this holiday season?

Monday, December 9, 2013

free stuff from influenster: violet vox box review

The other day, I was watching an episode of Golden Girls where Rose started working at a local Miami news station and they sent her home with a huge box of waxes and depilatory creams to consumer test. Hilarity ensued, naturally, but I was filled with free product envy! As you may have gleaned, I am a unabashed lover of colorful language, but my favorite 4 letter word is FREE! Not that I am an Extreme Cheapskate or anything, but its hard for me to turn down something that costs zero dollars.

Well rewind back to a few months ago, I was reading this review and explanation of Influenster from Jen at Librarian Tells All and thought, "what the hell, that seems fun and easy!" so I logged onto the website, did some product reviews and to be quite honest...kinda forgot about it for months at a time. This was until I got an email telling me they were sending something to me called: The Violet Vox Box. How strangely intriguing. Well, here is what I got!

Contents: Montagne Jeunnesse Glacial Clay Spa Mask; Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Dry Shampoo; Sally Hansen Triple Shine Polish in Pixie Slix; Soy Joy bar in Banana; Goody Athletique Ouchless Headband

OK, so these are not high end products...to be honest-  they are mostly things that I can buy at a Walgreens...but what's wrong with that?  Who doesn't love going buck wild on impulse purchases at a Walgreens? Also, with the exception of the banana flavored Soy Joy, these were all things I probably would have bought at some point on my own. [Tangent: You know my love of painting my nails and not washing my hair.] I absolutely loved some of the contents of this Vox Box and have found myself using them multiple times, while other things...um...not so much. Here are the winners and losers:

Winners:

Montagne Jeunnesse Glacial Clay Mask
This was the first thing I used because I had 20 minutes to kill and thought it looked fun. Instead of being a clay that you spread over your face, it came in a fabric face shaped sheet (complete with eye/mouth holes) that was saturated with the green goop. Once you got over the fact that you would look like a tragic accident victim while it worked it's glacial clay magic, it was quite enjoyable. I loved the fresh scent and liked even better than it still lingered on my newly baby bottom smooth face the next day! I would use this again for sure.

Goody Athletique headband
Because my hair grows forward and into my face, I love a good headband. I'm not dumb, I know I'm not doing yoga or running marathons, so the moisture wicking capabilities are somewhat wasted on a gal like me, but I liked it none the less. It has an adjustable velcro closure which was great because sometimes the fully elasticized ones can cause headaches. Also I had a love/hate relationship with the width of this bad boy [Tangent: It's about 2 inches wide, which is great because it holds hair in place better, but in a way made the width made me look a little like Clarissa Darling or Donna Martin.]  Perhaps it wasn't the most flattering accessory, but it's good to wear when I am cleaning or just sitting around the house...or perhaps applying a creepy clay mask to my face.

Clean Freak Refreshing Dry Shampoo
This was the thing I was most excited about! My life is a never-ending quest to find ways to avoid washing my hair. I must say this stuff is kinda the jam, especially at the low price point- it's under $6! I have already decided when I use up my bottle of Psssst! that I will make this my new go-to because it is very light and smells clean and didn't somehow leave my hair greasier than before. [Tangent: Yeah...that has happened with some labels.]

Losers

Sally Hansen Triple Shine Polish in Pixie Slix
Okay, maybe I am being a polish snob, but I didn't care for this product. Usually I love Sally Hansen...in fact, their Diamond Hard line is my absolute favorite, but this one had an odd consistency- both goopy and thin at the same time. It didn't dry quickly enough for my impatient self and the color they sent me was something I would never wear again. [Tangent: I wore it out over the weekend and told Jamie I was startled every time I caught a glimpse of my highlighter colored fingertips. It was as if they didn't belong to me. Maybe electric Pepto pink is flattering on some skin tones, but not mine. It looked ridiculous.]

Soy Joy Bar in Banana
This was something I honestly didn't even try. I passed it along to my mother because 99% of things that are banana flavored make me dry heave. Sorry Soy Joy. I'm sure you're not a loser, just to my precious taste buds.

Overall, I was pleased with my first Vox Box.  It's pretty low risk and there appear to be no strings attached, and they have not yet barraged me with junk mail. If you are interested in learning more, click on my badge on the right hand margin, or send me your email address and I will get an invite to you. If you could care less and feel like I just wasted your time, here is a picture of me looking like a burn victim.



* I was not compensated monetarily for any of these opinions, which are 100% my own. I received these products complimentary for testing purposes from Influenster.

Zeek Braverman is my dad.

Hey all. Sorry there has been nothing more than radio silence on this URL for the last week or so. That happens from time to time...those times when I don't even want to crack my laptop open because I need a little break from it or am feeling uninspired. I wish I could say that I was I was undergoing glamourous escapades during this week, but that is simply not true. Unless of course, your definition of a glamoorous esccapade is watching Parenthood and spending time with your mother. 

Due to the emotionally taxing nature of the show, it was probably not the wisest choice that I chose to play catch up on seasons 3-5 of Parenthood on the one year anniversary of my dad's death. [Tangent: It is crazy to me that he has been gone one year. In a way, it feels like that morning when the funeral home came was just yesterday, but then I think back on all that has occurred in the last year, I come to understand that 12 months have indeed passed.  It has been a year since I have heard him yell at the TV during the Christian Mingle ads (he used to be especially angered by "find God's match for you.")  He felt it was manipulative. He has a point. It's been over a year since I have seen him leave the table, poke a hole in a dinner roll and pour in molasses. It has been a year since I have begrudgingly lured him into watching American Idol with me had him tell me the same shows I had lured him into watching were total garbage. It's been a year since I've awoken to the theme song from Bonanza blaring in the den or sent him to the Redbox for movies only for him to return with 4 movies about war. It's been a year since I have heard the words "neocon" and "ideolog" used daily in this house. ]  I've always liked the underrated NBC show because the family always closely mirrored the one I grew up in (minus the legions of grandkids and the frequent impromptu dance parties)- 4 kids composed of 2 boys and 2 girls ( I consider myself the Sarah) and two liberal parents, the sweetly introspective Camille and the tough yet lovable Zeek.

Every time I watch the show, I feel like my dad is the model for Zeek Braverman....so much so that if a movie was made of my dad's life- I would demand Craig T. Nelson at least audition. [Tangent: I am pretty sure dad and Zeek even wore the same jeans....you know those ones that were a "great deal at Academy Sports" and  my father owned in triplicate.] Zeek had Atrial Fibrillation and didn't wanna tell anyone because he didn't wanna worry the family or get special treatment. Zeek went above and beyond for his family to the point of borderline doing too much. Zeek was a Vietnam vet who went and took new veterans under his wing. Yep, that's daddy.



 As mom and I watch the show together, we repeatedly were brought to tears by the similarities [Tangent: I mean each episode generally makes me cry anyway big ugly tears, so to marathon watch 6 episodes in a row while drinking boxed wine is probably the most masochistic thing you could do, especially given the majority of those episodes a main character is dealing with Cancer. Oh well. I never said I was a sound decision maker. BTW.  If you would have told me years ago that one day the man that played Coach Hayden Fox would be turning me into a blathering mess, I would have drug tested you!] I miss my dad everyday for one reason or another, and there are always lots of things I want to tell him. Last week, though, while watching a one hour drama loosely based on a early 90s movie,  I found it oddly comforting...like he was still around.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

in my day, they had co-ed naked and big johnson

Lately I have been feeling super uninspired and completely devoid of topics that I feel are worthy of elaboration. [Tangent: This week marks some dark anniversaries for me, so I am trying to keep things light and playful and fun.] I missed the boat on writing anything of substance about Thanksgiving. Sorry guys. There was turkey. There was family. There were Portuguese water dogs. There were leftovers. There was terrible bloating from aforementioned leftovers. Tale as old as time, right?

However, my biggest takeaway from the holiday, besides the obvious thankfulness and green bean casserole and whatnot, was that the 90's was definitely the hay day of stupid and mostly not subtly vulgar kiosk t-shirts. [Tangent: OK, your mind is reeling, so let me connect the dots from Point A (Thanksgiving) to Point B (tacky t-shirts). The weekend after my family thanksgiving, I did a "friendsgiving" with some of my friends from trivia. We played a really fun game that consisted of completing sentences and then guessing who said what. One of the questions was "what would you not wear to a funeral?" and after ruling out a couple answers, I said "Big Johnson T-shirt". This led to some furious googling and explaining to those that were unfamiliar what they were. Hilarity ensued.] Kids today are just deprived of such ensembles. 

When I was younger there were so many 100% cotton ways to show your peers that you were, in fact, awesome: No Fear, Big Dog, Hypercolor. You role up to 2nd period in a Peace Frogs shirt- people took notice. [Tangent: Because I wasn't awesome, no one took notice, I never had any of these. :( I think I may have had a Peace Frogs sticker on my 5-Star, but I was on my parent's payroll and there was no way in hell that they were gonna spend $20 on a t-shirt. My frugality comes honestly.]


If you wanted to tell people that you were not only awesome, but in fact were gettin' some (but probably not) then you had options too: Big Johnson and Co-ed Naked. I'm pretty sure that they became banned in our school system (rightfully so), but that didn't stop Gadzooks and Spencer's from cranking them out and dispensing them to horny 15-year-old boys nationwide. Also, I can't promise preteen Kimmie didn't totally have crushes on boys that owned the following...thank god times have changed [WARNING: I apologize in advance for the terrible double entendres that are about to ensue. To be honest, I picked the "classiest" ones, if you wanna fall down the rabbit hole and see more (more raw, uncut options), click here or here. .  Please for the love don't simply google "coed naked" or "big johnson" without specifying...because you will not get t-shirts. You've been warned] :





So yeah those exist, and people in some circles still wear them and find them incredibly witty. So, here is my question: since hipsters are totally co-opting 90s chic in their present fashion donning flannels and combat boots, is it only a matter of time before these relics reemerge into the zeitgeist? If they do, I totally called it...but am sad about humanity.
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