Tuesday, January 21, 2014

great girls in wheelchairs: VC Andrews edition

Hey guys, remember me? I am that blogger you know that has been really inconsistent lately! Oh hi there, now you recall. Anyway, I have actually been really busy actually going out and doing stuff and not being a sweatshirt wearing hermit...all events which I have scheduled to write about...but first we need to start with the most crucial and groundbreaking occurrence of the past week: Did ya'll watch Flowers in the Attic this weekend on Lifetime? [Tangent: Yeah...this is another VC Andrews post. Here is the first one if you wanna binge read.]

 It was a Lifetime Television for Women event after all...those shouldn't be taken with featherweight lightness. [Tangent: To be quite honest, I didn't watch it live, because I was out on the town Saturday night for a friend's birthday and my cable was out for 3 days. After I had a come  to Jesus with the AT&T U-Verse tech, I seriously wanted her to track me down screeners for all the programming that my DVR had to miss during the outage. (Sure I could watch the Drake episode of SNL online, but I wanted them to really pay for my inconvenience.) I am a terrible, terrible spoiled brat.] Although nothing could live up to the decadent pomp and circumstance that I had prepared in my head for this oddly incestuous rich people teen drama [Tangent: My search terms are sure to go off the rails with that phrase. Have a field day, internet freaks.], I thought it did a good job of adhering to the story (as best I can remember from reading it 20 years ago) and keeping in all the creepy American gothic elements. [Tangent: I cannot decide if Ellen Burstyn gives me the heebie jeebies more in this or in Requiem for a Dream. It is definitely a 6 in one hand/half dozen in the other situation. 

even though these are blurry, your dreams are forever haunted, right?

 That beautiful classy actress can be a terrifying bitch...and I love every second of it.  In fact, while watching it each time she acted insane, Jamie said, "#badgrandma" which is the ridiculous hashtag that Lifetime had concocted to promote the movie in social media. It seemed a bit of an understatement. It would be like calling Hitler a "meanie."] Overall, Heather Graham was semi-abysmal and made me long for her days of playing Mercedes Lane in License to Drive, but the kids were good and the story was enjoyable in the sadistic and opulent way you enjoy Soap Operas or movies like Mommie Dearest or What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? [Tangent: Years ago, my sister and I discussed making the latter into our Halloween costume because it revolves around a disabled woman and her sister...it seemed perfect when we spent every Halloween at a gay friendly establishment where my best friend worked at the time. Only that demographic would fully appreciate a costume revolving around a Bette Davis movie. Now I know only 1% of people would care. ] I mean come on folks...it's from Lifetime. These are the people who brought you Liz and Dick!

The good thing about all the premiere of the Flowers in the Attic movie and the groundswell of VC Andrews related hoopla in the media (at least the media I pay attention to. i.e. the Internet and Entertainment Weekly) is that I learned a couple crucial facts that I didn't know.

1. VC Andrews really only wrote a handful of VC Andrews books. After her death, in 1986, a dude took over the reigns and kept her legacy of tangled dark drama alive! How is that for crazy...most of the books that bore her name were written by a male...a straight male for that matter! CRAZY.

2. She was in a wheelchair! [Tangent: From what I have read, she had arthritis and thus was in a wheelchair nearly full-time. Her mother was her caretaker and they had a very strange relationship. She dedicated Flowers in the Attic to her mom. Analyze that, psych majors!] HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?!? Ol' VC was a fellow "girl in a wheelchair" who liked to write about twisted nonsense! Clearly she is my spirit guide...her and FDR. What a def posse I roll with...literally.


  1. Love this post! I still have not watched it. It's recorded on both cable boxes in my house; [to ensure I didn't miss it]. I planned to watch it yesterday, but had a popcorn fail and never got around to it.

  2. I know she wasn't in a wheelchair, but you should give honorable mention in a post to Flannery sometime, she was a truly badass differently-abled Southern Catholic like yourself. Plus she had a peacock farm!


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