Tuesday, March 25, 2014

blog search terms...running off the rails (AGAIN!)

At midnight the other night, I was rabidly sifting through my iPhone's photo gallery looking for things I could pitch to free up valuable space for crucial things  like game updates and more photos (seriously, I have carved it down to 1200 essential images. That's all I can do! ). To be quite honest, a great percentage of those pictures are not really pictures at all...but screenshots of things... Textchanges. Ridiculous ads. And mostly blog statistics that make me pee. [Tangent: In fact, "blog stats that make me pee" could likely be its own crowded sub folder on my phone.]

The ones that are funny, but still safe for the workplace, I post on my blog's Facebook page, while I usually save the bluer material for my fellow bloggers and pervy friends. The other day, while texting them around, Lladybird Lauren informed me that these were really too good to not share with the masses, so I thought I would unroll the archives of questionable search terms. Yes, some of these are appalling and ridiculous...don't judge me...judge yourselves.  [Tangent: If you have never read my search terms posts before. I'll explain what you were looking at. As part of my blogger dashboard, I am privy to all kinds of analytical data like what countries I am popular in...what sites are linking to me (like emuparadise.ru and cookingmeat.ru...both have me questioning my bizarre Russian fan base.) and what google terms lead people to me. The latter is always both upsetting and hilarious. These are the vibes I am sending out into the ether. I can't make this shit up.]

I wish I could select a favorite from this list...and I also wish I knew if you could feed your chiweenie grits! That's one for yahoo answers.

all of these are SUPER normal everyday search terms....seriously.

Is this a question or a declarative statement? Yes, Kirk Cameron was sexy in 1988...since then he is terrifying. Next question?

hasidic flaming lips? I am all in.
so many winners...none of which have anything to do with my blog.

I wish I knew the answer to this one. Really. Can someone weigh in?

this phrase makes me giggle so hard. I am clearly 12.

WHO IS GOOGLING THIS!?!??!?! Also, what if it was an image search and my picture came up...I am horrified.

I now want to google this.

yep. totally normal.

I am really happy that in a 24 hour period- 4 people searched "jungle 2 jungle VHS".

Ok, And Just for good measure I will throw in a little gem I pulled out of my spam folder. It always floors me how they lure you in with flattery and then BAIT AND SWITCH...BUY MY PENIS CREAM!

How about ya'll? Any fellow bloggers get such sick enjoyment from this stuff or am I alone? I was told once by a regular reader that she found me inadvertently by googling "wheelchair zombie," which made me really really happy! Whatever works.  I am eager to hear what kind of weirdos you attract!


  1. Lego poop... that's terrifying. N&n gets some fantastic spam comments. They're always so positive.

  2. I need to see them sometime!! I swear they always get me because they are overly gushing and complimentary (even if they are usually in VERY broken english!

  3. I for real cannot stop laughing. I have some interesting search terms, but nothing like "hot tub fart' and "do gay redheads have big butts". I tried to read them to Scott but he either didn't see the humor in them, or he couldn't understand me through my hysterical laughter. Amazing.

  4. Yeah I feel like people either think it's stupid or the funniest thing ever. No middle ground


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