Tuesday, April 29, 2014

getting oriented.

I'm officially sitting around the house wearing pajama pants from the waist down and a navy day dress from the waist up so it either means that I am trying some weird (but clearly not very forward thinking) fashion or I started working today. [Tangent: This is pretty much the norm when I work.  When I come home, it's pants off/stretchy pants on time..but out of laziness, from the waist up - business casual as usual. TMI? Probably...but you should come to expect that from my blog! If this was solely a fashion blog, I would probably have page after page of me rocking a look that is simultaneously brought to you by Ann Taylor and Gillian O'Malley for Target. ] Anyway, it seems like it has been forever since I have gotten up early and gone into work and I am completely inept at it. How can a person forget how to function before 8 AM? I guess I can.

c/o Natalie Dee

So far we have just had orientation...and it was with about 50 other departments so everything is vague and general and ends with shots and TB skin tests and bloodwork. [Tangent: That's how you know a job is legit, when you leave a vial of blood behind of day one! :)] I watched a lot of presentations- some valid to my department like code of ethics...some not, like lifting people...but I did get to hear a song about hand washing to the tune of "Call Me Maybe", which is fun for everyone involved [Tangent: Now it is the second best instructional hand washing song I have heard in my life.]

Even with all this activity, a highlight of my day was sitting in my car and playing on my phone during my lunch break, not because I am completely antisocial but rather because I chose to park by some nearby dorms. [Tangent: They were closer, and despite it being marked as "reserved", there were handicapped spaces...so that is practically an invitation, right? ] This landscape made for some stellar people watching. College is such a foreign thing to me at this point in my life, so I felt like I was getting to audit their move-out day.  I seemed to be suddenly aware of every gray hair on my scalp, hearing 19-year-olds flirt as they say goodbye to each other and make promises to visit....oh yeah and seeing girls do the dreaded walk of shame. [Tangent: Backless dress, strappy heels in hand...messy bun. Check. Check. Check.] THEY STILL DO THAT! It was highly entertaining to observe and made me realize I graduated college 9 years ago!! WHAT!?!?!? I guess it's high time I put that degree in motion.

I still won't know the daily ins and outs of my new job until next week, but I am nervously excited to learn more. Being excited about work is a welcome feeling!

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

new part-time job for the full-time gypsy

As most of you know for the last year or so, I have been a gypsy....not in like a Romany bedazzled neon bridal wear kinda way, more in like a aimless, careerless, working here and there kinda way. [Tangent: Not because it has been bohemian or sexy or so anti-establishment of me...more because it is just what happened. If you know me at all, you know I love stability, so this wasn't a choice thing.] Although not being gainfully employed is at times frustrating, it's also been sort of awesome. The good has slightly outweighed that demoralizing look of condescension received when you tell people "this and that" in answer to the question, "So, what do you do?" [Tangent: I have learned better than to say, "nothing" and now just say "writer" because that's true, right?]

not this kind of TLC gypsy...I don't have the boobs for that

 After working for jobs that I didn't really love...or even like...for years [Tangent: No offense to these places, but cubicle land is not for me, and not seeing results or growth is hard on a person..], I came to be completely self aware. I was getting lazy. If I wasn't passionate about what I was doing, I became a total slacker and my work was a reflection.  [Tangent: Growing up, I was always a crazy over-achiever and took pride in what I put out there so the fact that I was basically sleepwalking through my days was a bummer.] I see it as a blessing that they downsized 3 days before my father passed away because I got to spend time with my dad and it really knocked home the fact that you should not just tolerate your life...but enjoy it.

 In my time off, I learned/acquired some things:

  1. Everything becomes a business venture...I sold stuff on Ebay for 6 months and existed on my wages...I monetized my blog...and cleaned out my closet on Poshmark.
  2. You will get pitched every conceivable pyramid scheme. Seriously, I don't have enough fingers to count the number of times I heard, "I have got an exciting opportunity for you, all you need is $300 and a dream!" Ugh. [Tangent: It wreaked of this.] 
  3. You have time to get serious about your hobbies. I produced several paintings and pretty much tripled my blog readership because I have time and energy to devote to things I really liked. 
  4.  I have been super healthy. Probably healthier than I have been in years because I had the time to do things that most people do naturally but I forget to do when I get busy...like breathe, sleep and hydrate. Over the years, but not for lack of trying, I have discovered full-time work is too hard on my body. 
  5. I now own 2 drawers of stretchy waist lounge pants. 
But GOOD NEWS: this old t-shirt, braless lifestyle is getting an update because next week I start a new part-time job...and at that a new highly exciting part-time job that seems custom made for me and one that I am sincerely excited about! I guess good things come to those who wait. [Tangent: This job is one where I will get to integrate three things I know a lot about: disabilities, social media and people. I'm an "I have an idea" kinda gal and they told me in the interview process that they wanted my ideas. This is a welcome change and one I will be proud to promote and talk positively about. I have always envied people who enjoyed and didn't just begrudgingly accept their jobs.] I actually got the call a week and a half ago, but have been hesitant to post the news, for fear that something would fall through. I didn't wanna jinx it, but now that I know that I have been fingerprinted and enrolled in orientation...I think I am in the clear.  This is the job that upbeat 22-year-old college graduate Kimmie wanted...but the one that 31-year-old jaded Kimmie thought wasn't available anymore.

The idea of a steady paycheck that I have earned is exciting and so is the idea of having a set schedule and missing The View 3 days a week. Even though my year off has bumped me up a pants size, I am so excited to have a reason to pull my business casual out of the back of my closet....at least on a part time basis. I can still have pajama day at home here and there.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

in honor of earth day: Montagne Jeunesse goodies for you

Lately, I am really not sure what is up with my skin (or hair for that matter), but I am such a greasy mess of a human. Everyday I cleanse, exfoliate, astringent-ize, tone...apply clay masks...everything in hopes that my skin won't look like the bottom of a Burger King bag...but to absolutely no avail. I feel like I am being Freaky Friday'd by a 16-year-old who works in a Vaseline factory. Because of this, when the folks at Montagne Jeunesse offered to let my readers in on exclusive giveaway, I was all in. They must have seen my glistening T-zone beckoning to them like a Bat signal. [Tangent: Aside from being excited to get my own facial freebies to review, I did sincerely love my experience with their single-serving masks as shown in this post and wanted to share the gift of spa skin with others. ] 

Montagne Jeunesse, which I probably can spell easier than I can pronounce, is an established earth-friendly and cruelty-free company, which offers a wide variety of masks for reasonable prices. [Tangent: God knows I could use it since apparently my face waited till the age of 31 to hit puberty.] I like that each packet contains one mask because it prevents buying a big jar of a product only to find out it doesn't work for you. [Tangent: Also, whoever writes their product copy is my favorite person: 
" ...Animals are our friends- that's why we don't bash bunnies or add bits of animals."
"Looks and smells delicious, but please don't eat!" 
My second favorite people are the amazing package models. Only in my dreams do I look this glamourous while applying goop to my face.

After reading all the packages and sifting through info on super fruits, natural honey, aloe-vera and coconut, I opted to sample the Manuka Honey Peel Off mask.  It matched my sweater and said it was cleansing...plus, who doesn't love the act of peeling a mask off? it is somehow 100x more gratifying. [Tangent: And made me look like a sexy molting snake...if that is "a thing."]

Though it was a little sticky (it is made from honey after all), the mask made my face soft and now it smells like the yummiest cup of tea ever steeped! [Tangent: I have asked Jamie at numerous points tonight to smell it to verify. He agreed it smelled like a yummier honey lemon coughdrop!]

To enter their giveaway and get some fun and natural products for yourself,  all you have to do is click below on the huge obnoxious link below:


*the products used in this post were given free of charge to me from Montagne Jeunesse, but the opinions therein are my own. 

Saturday, April 19, 2014

i got a facelift

Hey guys, I'm hoping you immediately clicked the link based on blog title along, secretly hoping that I was going to be revealing some new plastic surgery like those people on that ol' MTV gem I Want A Famous Face. [Tangent: Or these weird stories!] (Un?)Fortunately, I am not newly blessed with designer body parts, but I do have a new look....at least my blog does! CHECK OUT MY CUTE NEW MASTHEAD!

I have been feeling like my blog needed gussying for some time now; frankly, it was long overdue.  I have had this same basic look for years and had that weird little bitstrip Kimmie in the masthead (yeah...remember her) as a place-filler for much too long. Daily, I have looked at it and dissected what wasn't working for me...so finally I decided she needed to be sent off to cartoon heaven and I needed to come up with something new.

this was one of the original sketches she sent me! So cute!
 Initially, I had wanted to illustrate my own little Kimmie avatar to greet new visitors, but I knew seeing something I had drawn stare at me everyday would drive me to to insanity...as would a straight up photo of me.[Tangent: Given I am childless, this blog is kind of my baby. Sad and depressing, I realize. I like to see it change and grow, but like the fact that I have been the sole one to have design influence over it. Unfortunately, I can't sequester it and homeschool it forever...I need to release it and let it thrive and grow under someone else's tuteledge.] Months ago, I asked around and found through my bookmaker/blogger friend Jenna that the lovely Michelle from the blog and etsy store CreatureType was the dame for the job. I checked out her work and I felt like she was the lady for the job because I knew whatever she came up with would be drastically different than what I would do...which is exactly the point! 

She did not disappoint. I sent her some pics of me and after some back and forth conversations, we arrived at the awesome image above, which seems to work awesomely with the fonts that I already had in place. I couldn't be happier with it! [Tangent: I love it so much that I want to take it to the stylist next time I get a trim because this is exactly what my hair looks like in my mind! This would not be completely out of the question because my hairdresser told me that on more than one occasion she has been brought a cartoon character's photo to replicate. Apparently the "after" haircut in Tangled was very chic. ] Go check out Michelle's etsy! She is a doll.

Monday, April 14, 2014

american blogger: what do you think?

As someone who spends a good percentage of her day consuming media, I am always surprised when something completely flies under my radar. [Tangent: Ugh. That made me sound really information entitled. Oh well, you know what I mean.] Last night, I got the following text from my ardent sister in popular culture, Laura.

I was so floored with my unfamiliarity on this topic that my fingers couldn't type "American Blogger"fast enough. After a thorough googling and trailer viewing, I felt super weird. When things hit close to home, it's very easy to be overly judgemental and find them cringe worthy...that's just science. [Tangent: I'm looking at you Crazy Hearts: Nashville and The Private Lives of Nashville Wives.] Of course I have been lazily campaigning for a blogger show on Bravo, but we all know the reality of that situation is- NO ONE would watch. I mean, watching me blog in my yoga pants while drinking coffee and talking back to the screen during The Chew isn't exactly appointment TV. Truthfully, that's what most bloggers do...It's not as epic as this trailer has you believe. Although I kind of wish it was.

My immediate response:

I agree with this director in that there are a lot of great bloggers out there with amazing back stories and it's great to see the connectivity and community that blogging creates being celebrated. [Tangent: You know how I feel about all my blogger friends!] But does it really address bloggers as a whole?

After sifting through the backlash, I kinda get the point from all the pushback...where IS the diversity? No one looks like me or a lot of bloggers I know. The whole point of blogging is for people to find their niche and celebrate what makes them unique, and despite being titled "American blogger", this film just seems to cover 30s white lifestyle bloggers who all look and dress similarly.

 It will be interesting to see if they talk real things like internet trolls and writers block and getting eye rolls from loved ones or being called obnoxious. I fear those things will take the back burner to sweeping shots of succulent gardens and chevron'd anthropologie throws...that's if I am judging a film by it's trailer.[Tangent: I mean everyone is blonde and gorgeous and living a perfect little boho chic "a beautiful mess" existence. The cinematography, though really pretty, may as well be brought to you by the Mayfield and Valencia filters.] It seems to reinforce a lot of cliches that bloggers are just self-important hipsters and I feel like in drawing attention to all the great things about blogging, it may also just get a collective "UGGHHHHHH, who gives a shit !?!" from everyone else. I'm really hoping that I am wrong and that the prettiness of it doesn't overshadow the message. I can't hate on anyone that is following a passion and doing what they love...and I don't envy these people for being "the voice" for such an outspoken opinionated movement of people.

In reading about the film and the controversy, I found the blog response of Chris Wiegand's wife (he is the director and dude in the airstream). The spirit of the film is a good one...I just fear that style will take a front seat to substance...and those aren't the kinds of blogs I like to read. [Tangent:....but of course I will be downloading it in June to see for myself.]

Thursday, April 10, 2014

in defense of Derek

As discussed more times than I can count on this blog, I love to find a good Netflix show and gorge myself on it, so it is literally the subject of  every sentence that comes out of my mouth. One of the last shows I became obsessed with was the Ricky Gervais dramedic gem, Derek, about a sweet-natured man with an undisclosed disability who works at a retirement home. [Tangent: The entire first season is seven 22 minute episodes, so you can knock it out easily in an evening on Netflix.]

 I entered into it fully expecting to laugh uncontrollably or at least be in the midst of that signature irreverence; trust, it is there, but brace yourself that you are gonna cry at least twice at very unexpected times. I was impressed with Gervais's ability to reel it in and not play it overboard.

This made me well up....pretty bad.

After finishing episode seven, I fiercely started googling to see when season 2 would be upon us. [Tangent: My mourning won't be long because it's in May. WHEW!!!] One of the articles I stumbled upon was this one about a father of a teenager with autism who was deeply offended by the show. Spoiler alert: I disagreed. [Tangent: This should not be shocking. Ya'll know I am contrary.] Another Spoiler: I don't have autism. However as someone with a disability, I understand paying close attention to a depiction in the media that is close to your own. [Tangent: It should also be noted that I am the same gal that wrote a 10 page paper in college in defense of the Jimmy and Timmy on South Park as modern day advocates. Don't get me started on this subject...because I get very long-winded, but long story/short- they were completely mainstreamed educationally and socially and act as an astonishingly accurate commentary on the politics that go on within the physically disabled community. Maybe one day I will post it and you all will see how incredibly dorky I am....or it will blow your mind.]

I'm the champion of most anytime a person with a difference is featured in a media role. Instead of approaching it with scrutiny and judgement [Tangent: Which is really hard given my snarky tendencies!] , I usually try to approach it with what they are doing right. Having a person be in the forefront with some kind of disability is rarely a bad thing, because it normalizes disability and makes it less of a taboo. The more you see it, the less you will stare at it for being unusual. 

The man featured in the article said that Gervais's Derek is offensive to those on the autistic spectrum and that he is too often played for laughs. [Tangent: A part of me wants to know what this man thinks of the character of Max on Parenthood.]  Although I honor his feelings, I seriously could not disagree more. Primarily because it is not even stated for sure what Derek has autism. At one point, a visitor tries to question him about his diagnosis and Derek says he is not interested, so it's unfair to assume that he should be the spokesperson for that disability.

Secondly, Derek is not the fall guy or the butt of all the jokes. [Tangent: ...at least no more than anyone else. He is treated equally, which is a very progressive step.  If anything, he is probably shown as more the voice of reason more than anything else among the cast of misfits.] He is the show's protagonist and moral fiber without playing it like he is on a pedestal or an inspiration or any of those "after school special/very special episode" devices. He has quirks and layers and is a fully formed character that you cheer for and care about. [Tangent: Some very hardcore men have admitted that they teared up at the finale.] 

Even if you are not watching it to dissect it's PC-ness, you should watch to see things like this:


What do you think? How hard did you cry? Is the baby monkey riding on a pig song still in your head?

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

what's with today, today?

OK, I realized I bludgeoned you into submission with mid-90's nostalgia yesterday with my Weezer Blue album post  and you thought that you had at least a week or so grace period before I brought up something from that era, well, clearly you don't know me very well at all. Anyway, you can't be negative...

I know it is not an official Hallmark/calendar holiday (YET!!!), but the internet has deemed April 8th the day to celebrate all things Rex Manning and Empire Records, so say no more, mon amour. That is what I am going to do. [Tangent: Since the moment I watched Empire Records in middle school, I was obsessed. It gave me the delusion that working in retail was a super sexy fun time blast...I would later learn this is completely false. Romantic entanglements were minimal and my boss never kept a drum kt in her office. However, it has clearly influenced my adult decisions, because I've  thought many times that my boyfriend is basically Mark/Marc.] Here are some simple ways to add a little Rex Manning into your day without embezzling money from your employer, hitting up Atlantic city, brandishing a gun, taking speed or stealing some metal, rap and Whitney Houston CDs from your local retailer. [Tangent: I don't endorse those things at all.]

  • Glue some quarters to the floor
  • Pull out your finest flannel or combat boots
  • Hold a faux funeral for your depressive friend to make them realize how important they are (on the clock of course)
  • Buy a pack of pink Bic daisy razors with moisturizing strips 
  • Listen to Sugar High at least once
  • Shave your head
  • Celebrate all things Lucas and don't leave the couch...if you have to leave, take a cushion with you (also speak philosophically and wear a turtleneck!)
  • Make cupcakes to take to work to celebrate your childhood celebrity crush!
  • Only pronounce the word orange like Gina (ReneeZellwegger) does (ooooor-inge)
  • Watch  Gwar while while eating brownies (ingredients are up to you) 
  • Visit and buy some stuff from your local record shop and tell them "they think they are so superior" (Ok, maybe not the second part. That would make you kind of a B-hole.)
  • Tell a stranger your name is Warren Beatty and then flip out when they repeatedly call you that
  • Make some buttons and/or buy these on etsy
I think that is a good start! [Tangent: To be honest I will likely just listen to my soundtrack!] How would you celebrate?

Monday, April 7, 2014

preezer and weezer blue album show at ryman

I am not gonna lie- Saturday was pretty awesome. In the company of hoards of earnest lyric shouters (myself included), my fella, my friends and I went to go see Weezer perform the Blue album in its entirety at my favorite venue, the Ryman. [Tangent: I'm absolutely admittedly, a fairweather fan of the band, which I know is a dagger in the heart of everyone who is hopelessly devoted. I never left them completely, but I can avow that I never bought into anything wholeheartedly as I did their first work- the blue album.  That album was my youth and has resurfaced and always stayed relavent in my life. I remember in middle school getting my hands on it for the first time, memorizing it and then my sister and I changing the words of "My Name is Jonas" to make it about Days of Our Lives characters. (See, I told you, I have no shame in trying to appear cool.)I have probably bought it three or four times. For this reason, there was little hesitation when I bought my tickets- this had the 90s addict in me hooked from the word go.] I wanted to be there to go hoarse screaming "LIKE FATHER, STEPFATHER...THE SON IS DROWNING IN THE FLOOOOOOOD!" ...but first as in all good things there was a pre-party. A preezer, if you will. 

Thankfully, I have incredibly equally ardent and dorky friends...who love a theme. I mean when Weezer-ing, you need to be adequately carb loaded while listening to Weezer pandora.  Here was our snack spread [minus the 'scuse me if I drool...hot dogs. I never got a good pic. I'm sure Rae will write a better blog about all this sometime this week...but really she should...I mean her blog is called Say it Ain't So, after all. ]
my offering was "somebody's heine is crowding my icebox...pie"

el scorcho party mix made by my fella

Rae's pink triangle cookies
Nettie's islands in the sun gnocci
everyone took a turn snapping a picture of Rae's boob area, so they could get a shot of this vintage homemade button.
 It was a packed house/sold out show. Thankfully, the finicky bastard that is the handicapped seating reserve process proved to be a blessing, because I scored tickets even when a lot of people I know got totally locked out. Here's the obligatory front facing camera concert selfie. [Tangent: Possibly being photo bombed by Clare Bowen, Scarlett from Nashville. Maybe not...but I like to imagine that is happening.] This was us after being super excited to be relocated to a better section where I could see better. High five, sweet old lady Ryman usher- YOU DA BEST!

The show started with a retrospective of one song off every album going from most recent to what we all came to see. There was a brief intermission slideshow, which was a personal touch to their longtime fans because it was like they had taken you back in time, before the band came out and blew me away with blue album goodness. [Tangent: I can safely affirm I have never back sweated at a concert so much as I did during "Undone (The Sweater Song)". My back was dripping, ya'll! ] I wish I could say I took some hard hitting rock 'n roll photography at the show, but I was up in the balcony and frankly, too busy white girl wheelchair dancing, so I will rely on youtube and instagram to share some of my favorite things about the show.  The band took a moment respected the venue and went front stage to do an accoustic rendition of Suzanne. [Tanegnt: never has a song from Mallrats sounded so purty.]


The show ended perfectly, with the band lined up in front of a blue screen to mimic their album cover. No encore needed. [Tangent: Unless you went to Pinkerton night on Sunday!]

Thursday, April 3, 2014

the internet is weird: volume 1738919381271819 (sock weirdnesss)

OK, so that number is an approximation, but seriously ya'll, I am sorry (but completely not sorry) that this is all I blog about sometimes, but finding the crazy on the internet is just too easy and enticing.  This madness pretty much just falls into my lap...or rather my inbox.

Today was no exception. I was messing around on my blog's facebook page and noticed I had a new private (oops. not anymore)  message:

Sorry, I removed the email address...so if you are into this weridness, you can research it yourself if you are so inclined...but seriously ewww.

The line is super fine  between innocent past time and then someone trying to combine several feisthes into one instragram account. [Tangent: The dead giveaway is the very loose grasp on the English language.] This seemed like the latter so needless to say, this dude isn't gonna see my tootsies today...unless he looks on instagram hard enough...or even finds my Sock Panda review I did last year...I guess what I am saying is, do your your research insta-creep. Why is this even a thing????

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

march insta-dump (dream phone, weddings, boner dollars and ice storms)

OK, remember  the other day when I said I have been a shitty blogger...well, I decided I am gonna continue the trend today and just do an insta-dump. [Tangent: OK. No, pervs...not what you are thinking...I do not cater to that niche market. This just means I am gonna dump on here some of my instagram pictures to fill in the blanks on some March happenings that didn't make the blog...but that definitely should have. Act interested....] I know it seems lazy, and those that  follow me on instagram don't really care, but oh well.

At the beginning of the month, I found out from my friend at Spashionista that the super talented Megan at the blog Megan Mae Daily was doing a limited run of caricatures for $10. This seemed like fun, so of course I partook and I think she did an awesome job. Look how cute anime Kimmie turned out. Also, thanks to Megan for being SUPER generous in the boob area.

 The beginning of March also came with a freakish ice storm that brought down a reign of terror on my van. All those pretty icy branches that look like they should be in whatever country Frozen took place in are actually hateful assholes that shatter windows and dent up roofs. Ugh. Nature .

I got the best change ever at Sonic.

 My lovely friend Alex got married and had one of the most fun weddings I have ever attended. When the pictures come back from the photographer, I will likely post a bunch on here of me dancing to SuperBass or being silly with my friends in my dress which I described as my princess cowboy cupcake dress! I loved it!
I got together with some of my friends from pub trivia at Rae's house to play preteen girl board games (Dream Phone and of course Heartthrob) and sing karaoke [Tangent: Naturally, I Lisa Loebed it and didn't need the words...and Rae did her standby "Lips of an Angel"] in lieu of playing trivia. I love playing games made for girls with my adult male friends. They get really into it. [Tangent/Sidenote: Dreamphone is kinda complicated....I don't consider myself a dense person, but we were almost done with the game before I realized what the hell was going on!]

I ordered a used iPod on eBay because there is no way in hell that I can get all my music off my computer and only my overstuffed phone. [Tangent: The Sophie's choice of what songs go and which songs stay on there is overwhelming.] Anyway, the treat in buying a pre-owned music device is you get to see the crazy assortment of music that the previous owner couldn't live without. There were only about 15 songs....all gems. Unfortunately, I do delete all this to make room for my stuff. I will never know how to dougie.

After the prodding of my friends, I decided to become a big girl and buy red lipstick and try to pepper it into my routine. [Tangent: I have always been aversed to any lip product that requires a mirror for application.]  I'm usually too big a pussy in the lipstick department out of fear I will look like Pennywise or the Joker, but here is my "BABY'S FIRST RED LIPS" pic. Wish me luck on this new attempt to step outside the box.

Last, but certainly far from least, I got my tickets in the mail for the Weezer Blue Album concert at the Ryman this weekend. I am so damned excited! It sold out so quickly that I thought I wasn't gonna get tickets.  Can't wait! 

How was your March?
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