Friday, June 27, 2014

let us pray...stay outta the zebra stripes

When I left work today, anxious to go home on "my friday", this is the situation that presented itself when I let down the ramp on my brown robot van.

*disclaimer: the woman did not drive onto my ramp....rather I let my ramp down to see if I had any chance in hell of wiggling my way into the vehicle. As you can see...I didn't!
[Tangent: I really hate to write blogs from an angry place, but damned if frustration is one of the key times the words pour out of me. Consider it my free therapy. Ya'll know from the Kia Soul debacle of 2011 that nothing can take me from perfectly calm to take-my-earrings-off-and-gullet-punch you crazy like people who don't park inside their parking spaces. I don't even have my ears pierced anymore, but I would re-pierce them myself if only to have the opportunity to remove my hoops and throw down.]

If you don't see the issue with this picture....let me explain: Everyone who has a handicapped placard has the right to park in a hadicapped space (even if they have a hidden/not obvious disability). However they do not have the right to park their vehicle in the zebra striped loading zone, [Tangent: YES. The stripes mean: STAY OUT, DOUCHEBAG!] which in my case is my only accessway to enter my vehicle. 

 Because I was outside of a hospital, I had no idea how long to expect this person to be inside. [Tangent: Were they just there for an appointment? Were they visiting a friend? Were they having surgery? WERE THEY IN A COMA!?!??!] I basically was left with little course of action except to:

A. Call security or the hospital police force to just sit there and tell me there is nothing they can do because the hospital is to vast to ask around or make an announcement and if they have a placard no law is being broken. [Tangent: Also the last time I did this, and tried to reign justice on a parking situation like this at work, when security came and we met the real owners, they turned out to be a man with no legs and his 80 year old wife on oxygen. I felt like an ass hat.]

B. Wait by my car for the owner of said vehicle to move his/her car like I am some knockoff Dog the Bounty Hunter. [Tangent: Here is my hastily photoshopped rendition of what I feel inside every time this happens...which is often.]

I opted to just run some errands in hopes that the car would have evaporated when I returned. When I got back, the car was still there all up in the stripes, but there was a lady with it rooting around in the trunk.  The woman looked frantic but I had no issue whatsoever asking if she could kindly move her car a few feet to the right. [Tangent: Oh, I neglected to mention that she had roughly 50 feet of concrete to her right that was completely available as it was the dead end of the lot.] Her response, "My parking brake is stuck on. Just pray for me."

Weird reply, but whatever, I felt slightly bad for this lady so I offered to go grab the security to help her or even let her use my AAA card to get her towed to a mechanic. [Tangent: My desperation to get home was real.] Her response, " I have AAA, too. This happens all the time. The only thing that works is prayer. Just pray for me."[Tangent: I mean I am definitely not the expert, but we are outside a hospital where lives are hanging in the balance; I will wager that if god is hanging in Hillsboro Village that his attention is elsewhere...or let's hope it is. ] In a very nice conversational tone, I took that opportunity to educate her about loading zones and what stripes mean and the importance of staying in your space when parking. This was all news to her, which was baffling given that she stated that she was no spring chicken. 

Clearly I was getting frustrated with this woman, but I usually try to at least act tolerant of people with very focused religious views. She milled around her car looking harried and intermittently making phone calls and trying to get her car to go in reverse. Nothing was working. I offered again to go get someone, her response, "Are you a Christian? Will you pray with me right now?"

Instead of saying, "no...I mean I am kinda sorta a cafeteria style Catholic at best" which would result in a very awkward long-winded speech and me going home with a purseful of pamphlets about my hell-bound soul, I opted to just bite it and go along with the woman. This led to a two minute prayer in the middle of the parking garage. Awesome. What made it slightly more bizarre was her rightfully doubting my prayer strength afterwards. "I hope that that was a mutual prayer. When two people pray together and it is mutual- it can ward off 6000 demons."  [Tangent: Ummm...that seems like fuzzy math, but I'm not up on my scriptures, so it could be straight from JC's mouth.] Ugh, my frustration was building and this was the worst time possible to prophetize to me.

Apparently, she didn't trust the strength of my  beliefs because she then got into her motor vehicle to call her cousin, who she deemed to be a true believer. [Tangent: She told me her cousin's prayers always have the power...which makes me wonder why she didn't call her immediately if she has a direct line to Jesus.] After a few more tries with starting her car, it finally popped in reverse!

Seriously, what just happened? My mind was still boggled when I called my best friend to tell her what had just transpired. We theorized that I must be some part of the TBN equivalent of John Quinones or Ashton had I not driven away, Kirk Cameron would have popped out of her trunk and told me about the power of prayer. [Tangent: 1988 Kimmie would have been thrilled to meet Kirk Cameron....2014 Kimmie- not so much.] I didn't stick around to find the hidden camera.

Monday, June 23, 2014

ARE Camp 2014

Hello strangers! I am trying to get back to life...back to reality after a great week spent with some of my favorite people and with minimal cell phone service [Tangent: A blessing in disguise. I now recommend the occasional falling off the face of the earth technology-wise to everyone. It's cleansing.] at the summer camp held by the Alliance for Recreational Empowerment or ARE. [Tangent: I have written about this second family of mine for several years and their mission to provide support and encouragement for youth with disabilities and their families. You can even find their link in the tab section on the top of this blog. ] This year was great because I got to stay all week and see so many smiling faces that have come to be part of my extended family. The days were spent on the water, sweating profusely, rediscovering my love of rinsing brushes during arts and crafts cleanup, talking about boys with my "little girls" who are now little ladies heading off to college, acting in a murder mystery game wearing a fake moustache, talking openly about bowel movements and most importantly laughing hysterically. I could bore you with the details...but I think I will just give you a little picture show.

Although I apologize for being absent from the blog....can you blame me? I mean look at all these pretty people I got to spend 7 whole days with!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

return to amish- at least my nearest equivalent

The other day, I got pulled into a Return to Amish mini-marathon on TLC. I don't know why I am so fascinated by this garbage, but I am. It's likely 86% postured for the cameras, but no matter what- when it's on, I am oblivious that any other programming exists. [Tangent: The same can be said for the Duggars. Watching them is like watching martians. I don't judge their lifestyle (too much)- I just know it is beyond my realm of understanding...I like to front hug way too much. ] 

 The whole concept of being Amish seems like my worst nightmare. Religiously strict. ugh. Plain wardrobe. No thanks. Eating meat out of a jar. Blergh. But probably the most unappealing is the whole no modern technology thing. That would definitely be my ass kicker. If I am at home, you bet your sweet tail that I am consuming every type of outside worldly media possible. [Tangent: Example, I am presently using the Internet, 2 inches from my iPhone and listening to music and an episode of 30 Rock simultaneously. Over-stimulation is my favorite state of being.] 

Last week,  I got a glimpse into what that wire-free life is like [minus the bonnets and name ending in -iah.] ...and I was NOT into it. For some mysterious reason (maybe storm related), our AT&T bit the dust Thursday morning, and we couldn't get a internet or cable until a tech came...which was 2 whole days later. Two days that I had off and was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to watch TV. Oh yeah, lets throw into the mix that Orange is the New Black was coming back and binge watching that seemed utterly heavenly. [Tangent: Not to mention that #OITNB was trending everywhere and when I would log onto Facebook on my phone, that is all anyone was talking about. I know...I know. First world problems, right? I don't care. It sucked.] 

Then I thought that maybe I should delve into my DVD collection and find something to watch because the silence was deafening and I had already been way too productive. [Tangent: Despite being a huge movie fan, I have never been a big DVD owner and buyer. The only ones I have were given to me or were borrowed at some point and never returned. I never resent this choice to live minimally in that capacty more than when the cable goes out. For this reason, my collection is a haphazard mix at best. ] I went through my tiny stack of 10 DVDs and settled on My So-Called Life. No one could understand my shallow angst at this moment more than Angela Chase. If there is one thing that could take my mind off being mad at AT&T, it's Jared Leto's pre-guyliner, pre ombre hair pretty self. 

I was pumped! This was going to be a great way to spend a Thursday night/Friday afternoon...until I realized that my DVD player had totally crapped out on me. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

So I guess what I am saying is I may have cried and spent the evening revamping my town on Simpson's Tapped Out and using the constantly buffering 3G, watching a Netflix documentary on my cell phone. [Tangent: It was about how all men are innately pedophiles. It was weird and led me barraging my boyfriend with lots of questions. I don't recommend it unless you wanna question every man in your life.]  I am hopeless.* Gotta go watch Orange is the New Black. Gotta catch up. Don't spoil it for me.

*I am sure this blog will be sited in medical journals and mommy blogs to come as to the damage done by excessive early childhood screen time. Oh well.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

It's like this and like that and like this...and uhhh...

Hey guys...remember me. I used to be consistent. Yeah, that's me. Just call me Kimmie Come Lately.  Let me be honest, I just kinda needed a break to get my bearings. Creative "oh my god! This needs to be blogged about" genius has struck a couple times, and then immediately even the idea of opening up the laptop seemed overwhelming, so I didn't. Instead I just had some me time: I got some much needed sleep, or spent time with my family or crossed something off my miles long "needed to be done list" or actually soaked in the fact that I now have a job that I love. [Tangent: It is so beyond bizarre to me to feel completely confident at a position that I just entered into and to feel needed and not just tolerated. There is no age limit for the transformative power of getting a gold star.]

As part of my job, I write and do social media, so I am getting used to the fact that I can now do that as work and play. It's all about compartimentalization [Tangent: I realize that isn't even a word, but, Mr. Webster, it should be.], and getting used to doing what I love all the time. Trust me, I am getting the hang of it, and will not leave you hanging anymore. Also, even though I was barely present on this URL in May 2014, I got my all time highest readership [Tangent: As DOUBLE what I usually get in a month. I hit 500 likes on Facebook. And I acquired some new fans on google friend connect and Bloglovin.]  I guess I should go on a mental vacation more often. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is not just something stitched on a pillow at Kirkland's, guys. It's reality.

I was also doing a shit ton of other writing that I had previous volunteered myself for before the sloth took over my here is some reading to catch you up! Here's what I have been doing instead of hanging out with you guys. I promise not to be so much of a stranger.

  • For the lovely and well spoken Mary Evelyn at What Do You Do, Dear? I wrote this blog about how people with disabilities are allowed to be total assholes on occasion [Tangent: This should not be news to my readers, friends and all.] Apparently, this post resonated with someone, because it was reblogged over at Kids Included Together, a site dedicated to inclusion for those with disabilities, and a place that I may be doing some work with in the future.
  • Then for Alicia, the Spashionista, I wrote this post about the benefits of being on wheels and wearing shoes...real ground breaking Pulitzer worthy subject matters. It is ripe with pictures of my feet for you weirdos out there. 
  • Just so you don't think I have completely jumped ship to ONLY writing about disability this and disability that, yesterday, my post about The Lonely Island Panel with Vince Vaughn was published on Nerds and Nomsense.

So yeah, that's what I have been doing. I promise I will be around more. What have you guys been up to?
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