Wednesday, July 30, 2014

these dreams: naked turtles and professor sagat

You guys should be well-versed by now in my irrational fears [Tangent: exhibit A and exhibit B.] and frankly, I need no fuel to the garbage fire of insanity that is my imagination...but lately I have been having the strangest dreams and wanted to share. Unless I have been misguided all my life, sharing is caring, right? After reading, feel free to tell me your most bizarre dreams of late so I feel some sense of camaraderie aboard the crazy train.

It all started a couple weeks ago, I had the following dream:

I was sitting on a big porch overlooking the beach as a storm rolled in. There were these tall, pretty mangrove trees...but oddly hanging from the branches were these huge turtle shells. As it started to storm, the wind blew and one by one....turtles fell from the trees. Turtles without shells. Naked turtles.  

[Tangent: Now I have never in real life beheld a shell-less turtle. I have only seen adorable turtles at the beach.  I wish I could say that the dream amphibian was demure and adorable like the  cartoon google images found above, however, this sight was chill-inducing. It was like gelatinous flubber, but with eyes and little rough turtle beaks.]

As if that image wasn't haunting enough, the little suckers were fast when not encumbered by a massive shell and as they fell, they began skittering up my legs. I awoke in a cold sweat kicking everywhere. I cannot stop thinking about this dream.  [Tangent: This was only slightly crazier than the waking/half-asleep dream I had the other day when I went to a college lecture class and turns out I was walking into the audience of America's Funniest Home Videos. I tried to look it up in Jamie's dream dictionary, but it's publishing date was 1975, when Sagat and Bergeron were just wee lads. Dang ]

After spending many nights contemplating shell-less turtles and possible horrifying scenarios involving them, I decided to see if anyone else shared this dream [Tangent: Seriously the pictures yielded by google images were crazy!! This was honestly  the least upsetting of the bunch....probably because it is an illustration and accompanied an article about the evolution of the turtle it was not intended to haunt your dreams.]

  Of course, the internet steered me in the right direction! Both yahoo answers and several other message boards were littered with people asking about their dreams involving shell-less turtle attacks! I AM NOT ALONE! I only wish the advice and interpretations came from mystics or psychologists...instead they came from assholes. Oh well.  Cest La Vie!

What have you been dreaming about? 
Will you be able to sleep tonight without seeing a naked turtle under your eyelids? Thought not! 


  1. Eeeeee! I love turtles so much and this creeps me out. I heart your posts. Don't go changing.

  2. thanks, boo! yeah...I felt like I was getting kind of vanilla on you folks and needed to remind you of the insanity that dwells within.


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