Wednesday, September 10, 2014

When In-App Ad Clip Art Goes Bad

thanks bubble witch for the borrowed image and letting me put words in the cat's mouth!
 You may all know that I love a mindless app [Tangent: Like more than any sane and educated woman should.] and will play Words with Friends till my fingers atrophy and fall off from tile sliding. You could also assume that because I am thrifty, I refuse to shell out the extra $1.99 to make them ad-free. You'd be totally correct; paid apps are for suckers. [Tangent: I gotta save those precious pennies for extra moves on Bubble Witch, folks. Life is about priorities!] Because of this allegiance to free apps, I have to X out of some random pop-up everytime I make a move! 

Even though it's a real pain in the ass, I have discovered the true gold that is the in-app advertising. It is midday Jerry Springer local commercial awful. [Tangent: This should not be news, lest we forget the "Throw Stuff in her Butt" debacle of 2012.] Because I screenshot just about everything ridiculous which has flashed across my iPhone, I have amassed a little collection of terrible. [Tangent: I have already decided when I die, I need to assign someone to go through my phone and erase the screen shots.  The amount and content is incredibly embarrassing.]

I now submit for your approval, terrible uses of word and image in in-app pop ups. [Tangent: If I had used my advertising major to become a professor, I would do an entire lecture series on this.] The distortion between the what the ad is trying to say and the clip art chosen is so baffling.

Exhibit A: The Life Insurance Ads

This is one that I saw today and made me realize that blog time was nigh. I recognize this clip art, because it is VERY similar to the logo for my gynecologist's office. Abstractly, I guess I understand; preparing for the future today...I guess? But seriously, it's almost as if they just drew an image out of a hat and didn't wanna take the time to draw another one after realizing the one chosen missed the mark by a 1,000 miles. No one wants to think of an orphaned baby or worse yet a dead baby when they are playing a cell phone game...NO ONE!   

Exhibit B & C: The Financial Aid Grant Ads

OK, let's call a spade a spade- I make way less than 80,000 a year. And yes, from time to time, I toy with the idea of returning to school. Have I ever considered myself to be a unibrowed bucktoothed sock monster or a deeply offensive illustration of a yokel with Hobbit feet? NEVER! 

The latter is especially concerning. WHAT DID THEY EVEN GOOGLE TO GET THAT CLIP ART IMAGE? [Tangent: I am guessing "chinless + toothless + rosacea" or simply "garbage person."] Or worse yet, was there a whole meeting and an illustrator hired for this campaign? Madness!

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