Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Internet is Weird: Go Phish*

* I realized since coming up with the title that it was somehow misleading and that you might just think this is a Trey Anastacio related post. Sorry. It's not. Go get your stoner jam band music elsewhere. To make it up to you, here is a picture of a jovial man in a Spam costume. [Tangent: The google image search gods were really smiling down on me.]

The other day, I was sifting through the SPAM in my email box looking for something crucial. [Tangent: I feel the need to be honest, it wasn't a work document or airline ticket, it was indeed my pizza delivery confirmation from Papa John's. It had been 45 minutes, and my hungry belly was riddled with nervousness that my order had not been processed. It was my free pizza I earned, becaue I have worked hard to consume 25 Papa John's points worth of pizza. See, I I told you: critical stuff.] I never delve into the Spam folder because it's nothing but an endless cavalcade of penis creams and male order wives and I'd rather not get pulled down that rabbit hole. However, something that looked rather personal caught my attention.
Dearest one,
My name is Mrs.Mariam Hana Dauda I am 63 years old, I am a dying woman who have decided to donate what I have to you/ motherless babies/less privileged/widows.I was diagnosed for cancer  for about 2 years ago. I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late  husband to you for good work of God. I have asked God to forgive me and believe he has because he  is a merciful God. I will be going in for an operation on Monday.I decided to WILL/donate the sum of  7.7 million dollars to you for the good work of God, and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows. At the moment I cannot take any telephone  calls right now due to the fact that my relatives (That have squandered the funds I gave them for  this purpose before) are around me and my health status also.
I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware. I wish you all the best and may the good God  bless you abundantly, and please use the Funds judiciously and always extend the good work to others. As soon you get back to me, I shall give you info on what I need from you then you will contact the bank and tell them I have willed those properties to you by quoting my personal  bank  account infos and I have also notified the bank  that I am willing that properties  to you for a good, effective and prudent work. I know I don't know you but I have been directed to do this by God.
Thanks and Almighty God bless.reply to me via my confidential email
Mrs.Mariam  Dauda

So I guess I am left with the following follow up questions/reactions to this phishing scam:

  1. I guess I am under privileged because I am not a motherless child nor a widow. 
  2. Should I call the police? Because on the long shot that this woman is real, she is clearly in an abusive reverse Flowers in The Attic situation at the hands of her children! 
  3.  What exactly do I do that is god's work and how did she come up with the payout of 7.7 million? That's a lot of work that I have done that I am not aware of.
  4.  What do you want me to buy you with my new riches? Here is an artist's rendering of my new lifestyle:

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