Wednesday, December 17, 2014

13 of the Most Delightfully Tacky Inflatables You Will See This Holiday Season

There's a place for everything and everything has its place. Isn't that a thing people say? Well, as that holly jolly time of year has come this way, I'm finding there's one Christmas trend that I haven't found a place for, at least in my life: those giant inflatables.  [Tangent: I can take them in small doses...maybe a smiley nutcracker or snowman tastefully placed, but the quickest way to take you to trashytown is to overload your yard with them.]

Now mind you, I may not love everything about the holiday, [Tangent: I promise I'm not a complete Scrooge (Ebenezer or McDuck), I just have started to loathe a lot of things like 90% of Christmas carols, crowds and conventional mall shopping after I worked in a mall for several years after college. Those things can give a gal PTSD.] but I do love twinkly lights and Christmas decor and have loved cruising to look at outdoor displays since I was a little lady.

I imagine as an 8 year old, I marveled at a 4 foot tall Snoopy Snowglobe inflatable and cursed my parents because they just had dumb wreaths and spotlights and those little plastic candles in the window, which inevitably proved to be more trouble than they were worth. I thought my parents were crazy for denying me a 6 foot tall glowing penguin, now I commend their conviction to keep the class is Christmas.

Because I can't bring myself to fill my yard with wacky waving inflatable tube men, I will just fill this blog post with them instead. I bring you, my favorite tacky inflatables of 2014!  [Tangent: Some of these I found online...some in stores, but all are pure gold!]

1. Nascar Santa
Ok. The fact remains that I know very little about race cars, but I do now that Santa is not wearing a helmet and is not properly strapped in, so that car is headed for catastrophe. I however commend Lowe's and their synergistic attempt at shoehorning their branding into Christmas decor.

2. Snowman Making Popcorn...but not super thrilled about it
You know how snowmen are forever popping copious amounts of popcorn, well...neither do I. From what I have gleaned from a little documentary called Frozen, it is dangerous for a snowman to be that close to a warm fixture. Maybe that is why the snowman looks not too thrilled about his task.

 3. Pregnant Mary and Joseph en route to Baby Jesus Birthday 
 In scrolling through inflatables, I found several air filled nativities, but this was the only one sans baby Jesus [Tangent: I mean he is in utero, and apparently (according to some) all around...but you know what I mean.]. Preggo Mary is my favorite because she is not at all holding on to that donkey and looks like she is slightly unsteady.

4. T-Rex in a Turtleneck
This is the little big guy that inspired this whole post.  I saw him at Home Depot when we were getting our tree and loved it because nothing says the holidays like a mildly psychotic dinosaur in a turtleneck and jaunty hat. After posting the photo on instagram, someone pointed out to me that it was a very bold creative decision by the makers of the inflatable to make the tiny tree in front of him the same color as him...because well, it makes him look SUPER EXCITED about the holiday season.  #KeepTheTRexInChristmas

 5. Santa and Sweater-Clad Reindeer See-Sawing
I don't know why I found this one so funny, but I literally laughed aloud. I think this is one of those that has movement and see saws back and forth, but that seems logistically unsound. Don't you think Santa weighs significantly less than a full grown reindeer? Also I love that this Reindeer is wearing mittens.
 6. Nude Santa in a Bathtub
What is more disturbing that a fully nude Santa in a bathtub? Maybe the fact that he is being peeped by a very voyeuristic reindeer. Also his boots and hat are the only clothing items next to the tub, so that means when he gets out he is gonna be plodding around the North Pole balls out with a cap and boots on. Where's that inflatable?

 7. Santa on Fire being Extinguished by Reindeer
So many times on these things, the expressions on the characters are blank, but these are amazing. I like to imagine that this reindeer is the same one as the one that watched him bathe earlier, and that he is kind of like Santa's Smithers.

 8. Santa Embarrassed Exiting Outhouse
Who is putting this in their yard? Ok, its pretty clear by the disgusted face on that elf that Santa was indeed dropping some coal...and that in itself is disturbing.  

9. Assorted Star Wars Characters Looking super Christmassy
I actually thought these were pretty cute and apropo if you were into Star Wars. I love a pun, and "droid to the world" is a pretty good one. My friend Beth was giving me an hour long and very delightful play by play on the Star Wars holiday special the other day (with Bea Arthur) and, unfortunately, none of the below shenanigans were part of it. 

 10. Not Menacing Darth Vader
Even with my limited Star Wars knowledge, I know that Darth Vader is supposed to be menacing, and at 3.5 feet tall...he really isn't. Also, with these proportions, he looks like Warwick David is inside the suit. I am not scared. Imagining him with a Santa hat over his helmet and an oversized candy cane is only making him look like more of a softie.
 11. Ninja Turtle Christmas
  I can only hope that the person that buys this also buys the Vader and the Yoda and makes them the Maji in their inflatable nativity. 

12. Spiderman Squatting
When we saw this one, Jamie couldn't stop laughing. All he kept saying was, "Spidey is shitting down your chimney." So, that's all I see. 

 13. Hanukkah Bear
And not to leave out our Jewish friends, there are certainly options for them. Unfortunately, most of the bear below just cram in every possible Hanukkah symbol imagineable. Yalmulke. Check. Menorah. Check. Tallis. Check. [Tangent: Thanks to my friend Ryan, who told me what the scarf thing was called. Everyone needs a Jewish phone-a-friend.]

Which one is your favorite?

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