Hey everyone! I am home from visiting my brother and his family in California. Of course, with my maladjusted luck, I left this Artic dome in Nashville for sunnier pastures, and suddenly Tennessee's thermostat jumped to 70 degrees! WHAT!? Where were you, warm weather, about 2 weeks ago? [Tangent: Also let it be known that despite the warm weather, there was a lady at the park near my brother's house wearing a down jacket and walking a froufy little dog with a wool sweater on. I can only imagine that animal is plotting his owner's murder, because he is boiling internally due to her misguided sense of heat sensory. Californians be crazy! Get a clue- It's sundress weather!] However, now that I am home- it's cold as balls again...naturally.
But anyway, enough of me being a 75-year-old grandma and bitching about the weather...I went to the racetrack for the first time last weekend, ya'll and actually won some cash! For my brother's birthday, he wanted to take us to the Santa Anita racetrack and I was stoked and afraid. [Tangent: Before going there, I had grand illusions of women in big hats and cute sassy dresses. I blame Pretty Woman and being from the South. However, Mikey assured me that most of the people in the stands during the day on a Friday were going to be wearing adidas shower shoes and digging through the garbage for discarded tickets..Clearly not the ambassadors of fashion. Poof goes my fantasy of a brown polka dot stomping the divets dress!]
I know absolutely zero about horse racing, never mind animal husbandry and horse breeding. [Tangent: Is it sad that my experience is limited to betting fake money on the dog races at Springfield Downs on my Simpson's Tapped Out game. Even then, my record is spotty at best.] My brother, who is actually a good gambler, just told me that if a horse had a good haircut and took "a sponge well" then it was a safe bet. Of course, I ignored his guidance as soon as my horse with a perm lost, and decided I was gonna bet solely on hunches and whether a name made me giggle. [Tangent: Here's lookin' at you- Tangerine Tickle!] I mean if a horse is named Bobby Flay, how could you NOT bet on him. Bobby Flay is a name you should always believe in!! He didn't let me down.
|lookout hand models! Look at those dry ass cuticles!|
It didn't matter if they were a total long shot...after all, I always love an underdog [errr...underhorse?].I also just found a jockey named Edwin that I liked and stuck with him for each of his races. [Tangent: I had no reason for picking him other than I enjoy the name Edwin...I knew he'd be my crying shoulder...he'd be the greatest fan of my life...etc. Also, while I have you in a tangent, did you know jockies make bank!?! All the jockies in the jockey parking lot were driving brand new beamers! How did I know they belonged to jockeys? Oh because of all the jockey and horse pun vanity plates! Dead giveaway!]
|hey there, awkward double chin and brother silouette in my glasses!|
Basically, long story short- I got to spend the afternoon in one of the prettiest places in LA! I mean look at that snazzy latticework and signage!! Also, not to completely brag, but I picked 4 winning ponies out of 6 races that we watched! How is that even possible? Each race I only bet between $15-$30. I only wish I had deeper pockets and more faith in my psychic abilities, because I could have really cleaned up. Oh well, I got lifetime bragging rights and got to piss my brother off!
Thanks ponies and short little men for teaching me about racing and allowing me to make it rain hundreds for the first time in my life [Tangent: It was only 3 (and one was already in my wallet), so it was more a sprinkle than a monsoon, but nonetheless a lifelong dream to make it rain something other than nickles occurred! Not to mention all of that was spent on car repairs today.]