Monday, January 5, 2015

2014 Year in Review: "One Day You're in...and The Next Day, You're Out."

Now that it's two weeks into 2015, is it still acceptable to write a year end review post for 2014? I'm never sure how to tackle these things because they are usually filled with such a broad spectrum of emotion and the the importance is very unevenly distributed. Kinda like chunky peanut butter...mostly smooth, until you hit a hard bit that you have to bite into. [Tangent:  By design, we tend to remember the bad things that happened in a year. Example, everyone remembers September 11 happened in 2001, but a lot of people don't remember that The Royal Tenenbaums came out that year...or even that I graduated high school and began college. Either that or we are so distracted by the next thing that we forget about the last cool thing we did. ]

I guess the necessity to write this post became evident when everyone and their literal mother were posting their year end montage videos to Facebook of what a great year they had, I couldn't do it.  I went through the motions of clicking on the link and constructing it, but something about re-posting it felt very awkward and sterile in my case.

The first picture that popped up, amid a rainbow of joyous confetti and balloons and gratuitous exclamation points, was a picture of my brother, now deceased, and the thoughtfully constructed Facebook post that I posted the day after he passed away.

 Of course, as expected, this was the significant moment of 2014, but as many articles have stated,  the algoryhtm to make these virtual scrapbooks were slightly flawed. By filtering by the postings with the most comments or likes,  it put a death in the family on the same plane of importance as celebrating a night out downtown or even eating something really pretty and hashtagging it #epicfoodporn. Because I laugh at inappropriate things, I found this almost funny.

It also reminded me that is pretty much how life works and it helped me decide that would be my mantra for 2015. In keeping with the Project Runway theme from the last 2 years. would be "One day you're in...and the next day you're out."

Life is cyclical and weird and randomly funny at times, so there no telling when you will be in and out of earthly favor, so staying balanced has been my saving grace. I know it sounds like a bunch of bullshit, so I guess my mantra will be just to be prepared and be open to try to bask in good whenever possible as stated so eloquently by my America's girl crush and genetic miracle, Heidi Klum. It's something I have to remind myself almost daily to avoid focusing too much energy on being "out".

As I remember my brother, I remember the last meal I shared with him. My mother and brother and Jamie and I all went to eat steak to celebrate the good things the previous work had brought. I had gotten a job that I was truly excited about [Tangent: ...and still am!] and we had learned that my sister was going to have a boy [Tangent: and how. my nephew is only 3 months old and weighs 18 lbs. Good god.]. Everyone was really happy and my brother had just come back from camping, so was in a really good mood. These are the moments I should have basked in more. I wish I could remember more, because looking back- I remember very little other than that everyone there was happy.

I miss my brother, and it bums me out whenever I think about the fact that he died way too early. There's no other way around it, but to say it sucks, but I try to remind myself to celebrate in equal measure all the amazing experiences I soaked up this year. There was some major good sprinkled in. [Tangent: I like to call it finding diamonds in dog shit, because I am a classy dame]

As I swipe through instagram, I become painfully aware at how bad I was at making picture perfect memories, but I am sometimes so thankful that I have this blog so that I can go back and look at my last year and have some record of the good times. [Tangent: Even if there are some not so pleasant ones peppered in...even getting enraged with a lady in the parking lot at work who wanted me to pray for her car.]. I love taking pictures, and decided one of my New Year's quests [Tangent: I like to call them that to make them sound more magical. Resolutions seem too practical.] take more pictures to chronicle the good I have in my life...for the times that I am "in"

What good things did you do this year? What's your mantra?

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