Saturday, August 1, 2015

Fat Kid Review: Lays 'Do Us a Flavor' Chips

The other day I had a really good day [Tangent: Like if it was within the confines of my personality, I would have been hashtagging things #blessed at every damn turn.]. What defines a "good day?" For once things weren't chaotic, and everything seemed to come to me WAY too easily. The icing on the already delicious cake of day was popping by Walgreens to pick up a couple necessities and spying a huge display overspilling with limited edition gluttony: The Lay's Do Us A Flavor potato chips. [Tangent: Can I make a sad confession? Not two days prior to viewing this potato Valhalla, I had been searching for the chip contenders on Amazon because my lazy and impatient had set in, and I felt like I couldn't wait any longer to get them into my mouth. I found them, but the dilemma was that I would basically have to a Pack of 20, which seemed excessive and like a crapshoot. What if one was vomit-inducing? What then? The sensible angel on my shoulder stepped in and told me to hold out. I really hate that bitch sometimes. Therefore, I'm really stoked I found them all in one place and didn't have to exploit my Prime member status for first dibs.]

Because you know I'm a bit of a foodie [Tangent: More specifically garbage junk food!] and love any excuse to do a "fat kid review," I was immediately filling Jamie's arms with every last flavor. [Tangent: If you want to judge my dietary habits further (at least as hard as the checkout boy was), you can read my other Lays reviews here and check out my monster cereal recap here or read about that time I put nutella on samoas here.

 I wish I could say that any of them blew my top off, but they really didn't. On the other hand, I wasn't revolted by any either, which is huge! [Tangent: This is not gonna be the year when I dedicate a whole blog entry to the candidate that I believe in most. Not all chip innovations can stir my emotions like Wasabi Ginger kettle chips did.] Below I have the chip-i-dates [get candidates. OK...I know it's dumb.] ranked and reviewed, but really #2 and #3 are pretty interchangable, so don't send me hate mail if you are on 'Team Biscuit!'

First Place: West Coast Truffle Fries
I am a little disappointed in myself for liking this one most, [Tangent: I mean making a greasy potato product taste like another greasy potato product is not exactly witchcraft.] but it was legitimately the most delicious and the one that I would be the most likely to purchase again. At first I thought it tasted too similar to other chips out there, but I kept going back for more. My mom said they tasted "earthy" so take that for what it is. Also points for being wavy. Wavy chips are always better than not not wavy. [Tangent/added note for my vegetarian pals: My friend Eartha Kitsch found out that they are not within her dietary restrictions and have duck fat in them. So...sorry herbivores.]

Second Place: Kettle Cooked Greektown Gyros
Like I said, this was a tough call. Greek food is one of my favorite things on earth, but my friends in social media had me terrified to try these. This rating could be a case of low expectations being slightly exceeded. I had heard that they tasted like everything from dog food to old yogurt to fish, but to me they tasted like straight up gyro meat. That mix of lamb and beef is one of life's greatest gifts, and I would eat straight off the cooking rotisserie if the people at Greek Cafe didn't frown upon it. The only downside was the aftertaste, which almost got it bumped to #3 because it lingered a little longer than I would have liked. It's also entirely possible that I was a bit swayed because it was a kettle chip. They could make a  day old tuna and hotdog water flavored kettle chip and I would be all over it. [Tangent: So please don't, because it seems like an awful idea. There is probably a reason that I don't work in a chip factory.]

Third Place: Southern Biscuits and Gravy
I realize ranking this within the bottom half of the list takes my Sooutherner card and tears it into shreds.  [Tangent: Oh well....being a democrat probably did that years ago.] This was a tough call and I did really enjoy it (as I do the dish they were based on), however biscuits and gravy are a pretty mild taste comparatively, so it didn't get my taste buds in a tizzy. It did taste like sausage gravy, so if you are looking for a breakfast chip [Tangent: Come on...we've all been there.] this is your pick. 

 Fourth Place: New York Reuben
Let me preface by saying that I don't like Reubens. I don't like Sauerkraut. I don't like corned beef or pastrami or rye bread. [Tangent: I'm so glad my Polish relatives in Buffalo don't know about my blog so they won't know the shame my taste buds bring upon the family.] I do like mustard though, and thankfully that was most of the flavor profile so I actually ate more chips than I thought I could. Let it be known, my mother who is a legitimate New York Pollack loved these, so take that for what it is. Her opinion on the matter is likely more reliable.

So what do you think? 
Have you tried them yet?  

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