Tuesday, September 22, 2015

It's Ridiculous Sexy Halloween Costume Time Again (2015 Edition)

I own a calendar,  so granted I know that it is not yet October, but abandoned storefronts are starting to shape-shift into Halloween emporiums and pumpkin spice is flowing freely in the streets. I guess these signals mean it's time to showcase the completely ridiculous hyper sexy costumes that are only a click away. [Tangent: This is not a novel concept, I have been doing these posts for a while and you can see some of my prior installments here, here, here,  and here. Again this is not some sort of slut shaming exercise, it is more me marveling at the utter hilariousness of many of these looks. If you wanna be a sexy carrot for Halloween, woo-hoo- go be the best sexy carrot you can be...just realize that I can't even type the phrase "sexy carrot" without giggling. I used to say they were completely devoid of creativity, but then again...being able to make a carrot sexy is the epitome of creativity. Lesson learned.] Since I have written a few of these posts, I was starting to think that my one-stop-shop for scandalized characters, Yandy.com, was running out of material for me [Tangent: Much like how the seamstresses felt when making the outfits themselves! ZING!] but they keep the hits coming year after year. Sure, they have added differently skin-bearing pirates and mermaids, but they have also gone in some new directions...and trust me, their reinvention and constant pursuit of 100% crazytown does not go unnoticed or under appreciated....at least by me.

I wanted to save this for last, but because it is topical, I thought I would use it first. You know how there have been a lot of blogs and news stories about current events costumes like the Caitlin Jenner or the Poacher Dentist, why has no one addressed the fact that there is a Sexy Donald Trump costume!??!?! Oh, I'm sorry- I mean Sexy Donna T. Rumpshaker. [Tangent: These strange zeitgeisty looks are nothing new.  I went to a party in 2005, and the winning costume at the bar was Hurricane Katrina. Cut to 2012, there was a Butt Chugging college frat boy and a doping Lance Armstrong at the party I attended. I guess it can be assessed that I hang in very classy circles. The only difference is you can now buy them pre-fab and don't have to concoct your own.]
 I mean honestly, who among us haven't pictured Trump and fantasized about seeing him with boobs and a hot pant business suit. [Tangent: Part of me thinks this is what Trump makes Milania wear during sexy time. Gross.] I wish that this was the strangest pic of the year, but of course I have others...

Fast Food
 I'll start off slow with a all Hallow's eve classic: Behold Sexy Grapes! When you were younger, there was always that kid in your class that would dress like a bunch of grapes for Halloween by adhering 20 or so purple balloons to some sort of sweatsuit. Weren't you always thinking how impractical and unsexy it was?  Well, Yandy found the solution to that age-old problem: Omit balloon and bare some midriff (and potentially some vag) and you're good to go.
Then there's these food items. Sexy Taco and Sexy Sririacha bottle are almost demure comparatively, but t still follow the tried and true yandy formula of gluing shit on a bodycon dress and calling it a festive costume. I would argue that the sriaracha is almost cute with its little askew cap, but I can't keep a straight face around Sexy Ronald McDonald. I guess there's the subgroup of people that are terrified of clowns and than there's the group of people who would prefer their clowns be outfitted in a booby and camel toe-baring spandex catsuit with a zipper down to the chacha!

The Sexy Force Awakens
I know a lot of people are very excited for the new episode of the beloved Star Wars franchise....so excited that they want to flash their cleavage in a group setting...it appears so! OK, to be fair, the Sexy Boba Fett is fairly conservative (even for a bodysuit) so on the site it as listed as being associated with Star Wars (It is listed as Boba Fett on Yandy's site). Apparently the other two didn't fit the standards of the Disney company (who now owns Lucas Studios) so the Sexy Darth Vader is described as Sexy Ruthless Galactic Warrior and Sexy Yoda is defined as Sexy Galaxy Gremlin...yep that's a phrase you never thought you'd read, right?  [Tangent: I will give it up to the model bringing to life seductive Yoda as she is smizing her literal pants off! I'm not sure I would be able to remain composed and alluring while wearing a stuffed alien face perched atop my head. That's why I am not a professional.]

I Tat I Taw A Puddy Tat
What the hell is even happening here?!??! Sure I love Sylvester and Tweety Bird just as much as the next person [Tangent: ...and potentially more because in 5th grade I was the proud owner of multiple airbrushed shirts emblazoned with their likeness.] but as an adult- I have never thought to dress up as a skimpy version of them. Do you think it's a brilliant or poor design choice that the mouths of Sexy Tweety Bird (aka Canary Cutie) and Sexy Sylvester (aka Playful Pussycat) are basically crotches?  Your vagina now theoretically has a lisp.

More Bastardized Versions of Timeless Childhood Treasures
First off, I think it is important to note that the above treasured icons of our diapered days are traditionally male, so kudos to Yandy and their progressive non-gender specific costuming. [Tangent: I love to spot feminism and forward thinking in unexpected places.] I also give it up to sexy Kermit for being demure, but the sex pot that is donning both the weird pin-up Charlie Brown and bikini rave Mickey Mouse is taking us to some new ridiculous horizons. We should not be surprised that the model is once again our Yandy spokesmodel MVP! WHEN DID MICKEY START WEARING FINGERLESS GLOVES!?!? Tres edgy! 
 Career Gals! 
Anyone can be a come-hither nurse or a firefighter in thigh-high boots, but it takes some ingenuity to explore risque career paths less travels...be it a sexy mime, sexy barista or umm....sexy apple picker? [Tangent: OK, the mime is actually somewhat adorable, I pulled it from the wasteland only because it made me giggle.] The other two rattle my brain ...maybe it's because they are so...subtle. After showing the non-protocol starbucks apron to my boo, his main criticism was that they really could have squeezed more coffee sex puns into this look! XXX-Presso? Fine Grind? That's all you got, Yandy? Surely you could have worked in a steaming hot or even a Fapachino. [Tangent: You can thank my classy boyfriend for that last gross coffee sex pun.]

OK, now we have reached the end of my 2015 review of provocatively unsettling ways to showcase your creativity and/or daddy issues! Happy Halloween everyone! What are you gonna be? Sexy Minon? Yeah...me too! 

No comments:

Post a Comment

I thrive on comments, so what do you think?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...