Wednesday, January 13, 2016

9 Times Lisa Frank Made us worry via Coloring Book

I have been super not fantastic at writing lately [Tangent: So "not fantastic" that I use clumsy sentence structure like the previous mishmash.] I wish I could say my free time has been usurped by glamorous goings on...but truthfully- I have mostly been laying low...hibernating...getting sucked into TV vortexes and coloring. Like the rest of humanity, I got the go-to stocking stuffer of 2015- an adult coloring book- for Christmas. [Tangent: Not to be all uppity about it, but I may or may not have discovered the meditative properties of coloring years ago. Remember this post from early 2014?  Glad society is catching up.] Needless to say I have spent many an hour (that I will never get back) meticulously coloring in overcrowded flower gardens and mandalas and similar kaledoscopic scenarios.  There really should be a warning label on these books because they do cause mini migraines if you stare at these intricate designs too long, [Tangent: NO? Just me and my wonky motor skills?] Luckily, because I am inherently a 11 year old girl, I have a drawer full of Lisa Frank coloring books to swap to when I need something with less intricacies and decidedly more shih tzus riding atop ice cream sandwiches. 

All of this time spent immersed in the world of Frank has actually inspired me to blog. I'm sure when I was a wide-eyed (and very awkward) youth and saw some of these technicolor images, I didn't think twice about it...but now I'm a jaded and cynical adult who can't stop laughing when I see a unicorn using a gumball machine machine. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's hard to be a logical adult and color a picture of a golden retriever and cat in a wedding scenario and not attempt to make heads or tails of it . [Tangent: Pun not intended..but I like it.]

 
Trust- this is not the Hollywood Bear and majestic Appaloosa that you have grown to know and love...these coloring books definitely pulled from the B-Squad of characters...the ones that never made it onto trapper keepers. I give you the most disturbing images dreamed up by the florescent mistress of whimsy- Lisa Frank. [Tangent: It was alarmingly hard to narrow down because it's clear hallucinogenics are being pumped through the air vents agent orange style.] I only wish I had the time to color all of them...so you will have to use your imagination and pretend they are all filled in with wonderfully clashing color schemes.

1. Perverted Frog
This frog made me quite uncomfortable whenever he popped up amid the pages of my book. Like I would not be OK if a human stared blankly at me, stroking his lower stomach while sticking his tongue out...so why am I OK when a frog does it?

2. Giant Terrifying Clown with Tiny Seal
 I am one of the small percent of Americans not suffering from coulrophobia so clowns really never troubled me...until now. I can only assume that the adults that suffer from it can trace their fear not to the Stephen King's It or to old episodes of Bozo the Clown...but this very image. I mean it's  safe to assume that he's gonna murder that seal, right? Those oversized pants can hide a myraid of weapons.

3. Dead Kitten
Adorable kitty...hearts stars etc...until you reason that this is a dead cat. This is actually a vision of kitty afterlife, which is a heady concept for a child to come to terms with.

4. Elton John Elephant
This one wasn't really disturbing...I just liked it so much that I wanted it included. Let's ignore the fact that due to their absence of fingers, elephants would make shitty pianists. This concert would be avant-garde at best. Instead let's embrace the personal homage to flair-driven piano men of years gone by. This pachiderm is giving me a little Liberace and a lot of Elton John and I love it!

5. Pig Bride
 This activity page is probably going to be the next one I color, because I can't wait to adorn the wedding day attire for a pig bride. I could be the Marchesa of pig brides. Is it just me or is it jarring/confusing to see a pig face on a human body with no explanation? Are you attracted or repulsed? I think that says a lot about you as a person.

6. It's raining hearts and clinical depression.
This looks like the life. It's raining hearts outside and you and your buddy are safe and dry under a watermelon umbrella! Seriously why are these pandas so smug and creepy in this dream scenario!??! 

7. Bear Sundae
 Lisa Frank has a way of mixing junk food and animals in the weirdest of ways and this page is no different. I mean it's a tale as old as time- your're eating a banana split and you happen to find a dead eyed bear with a tiny Wesley Snipes in White Men Can't Jump hat staring at you from under a pile of whipped cream. I will also contend that "bear sundae" would make a killer band name.

8. Disapproving Teddy Bear 
 While we are on the subject of bears ruining things...this teddy seems like a real wet blanket, no? This bedroom-eyed kittty (hopefully not the one that's in heaven) is just try to skamper around and YOLO in general and damned if disapporving lurk teddy is having NONE of it! Some may argue that he is harnessing some murder rage, too.

9. More Bear Hijinks
This is by far my favorite image...you know just bears in space getting a little freaky atop a crescent moon. I know...I know... the lady bear is in the rear, but her their faces tell 1000 stories. [Tangent: Jamie said it looked as if someone had "faceswapped them"] Everything about this solidfies my assumptions that Lisa Frank made me the weirdo I am today. Thanks LF! 

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