Within minutes of pulling them out of my mailbox, I knew which one instantly needed to adhere to my face. Behold: Tiger MASK!
[Tangent: Yeah, Maybe it wouldn't make me Asian, but it would make me a tiger...which was somehow even more exotic. That's some Island of Dr. Moreau shit! Dreams come true, guys.]
Of course I kept it on way longer than the 10-20 minute mark because I didn't want the fun to end. It's a wonder my face didn't dissolve off my skull [Tangent:...or since it was anti-aging that I peel it off and look like a toddler.]. Instead it just made me all smooth and moisturized; now my skin is more satin glove and less catcher's mitt.
After the initial bout of laughter, Jamie was a bit leery of my face hidden beneath the layer of gooey paper because he said I looked like the Ripley's Believe it or Not story about the dude enduring 100s of body modifications to become a tiger. I'm sure that if tiger man is a follower of my blog (which I hope to god is a reality) that he is having a "bitch stole my look" moment and is a little irritated that I achieved that same jungle cat euphoria in a simpler and less expensive manner.
After I posted the picture of my stripey feline face on IG, of course some of my friends (who are like-minded weirdos) wanted on board. If you wanna get them at a cheap rate, buy in bulk on Amazon here on this link and you too can be a manimal or womanimal every night of the week for under $20! Trust I already ordered more (PRIME THAT PLEASE!). They came in today, and I am so excited to be a otter or a panda or A DRAGON!!!!
Oh...what the hell...here's one more insanely creepy and not at all flattering picture of me in full tiger glory!
Sweet dreams, ya'll!!