Friday, May 6, 2016

Last Week I was no different than Kurt Russell leaving a Walgreens

I have gotten super delinquent in my blogging. Life has been crazed. [Tangent: To put this into a early 90's country music metaphor, this blog is the devoted trucker's wife left behind by me, a guy off driving an 18 wheeler for weeks at a time.]  Luckily two things that begged to be delved into in my life perfectly dovetailed together in their utter randomness. Now to explain the bizarre title of this post:

Last week, something happened that threw me for a loop. I was waiting at a crosswalk near downtown with my boss who happens also in a chair. It's a high traffic area and a hot day so we were lamenting how long it was taking for the little "walk" man to change from orange to white. Across the street, there was a woman holding an armful of takeout food and a drink. At one point she set it down, and my boss and I kinda made a comment that she was making herself comfortable because the light was taking so long. WRONG! She then pulled out her phone and as we crossed the street filmed us....and not even hiding brazenly, two-handed eye-level paparazzi-style filming us rolling right towards her. SO AWKWARD. Here is me using my dusty art minor to reenact it via half-assed stick figure drawings:
As we brushed past her, she rubber necked to catch us going past her and uttered, "You girls make me feel strong." guess.  [Tangent: Now I may write a mean streak of "what I should have said theater" style articles and blogs. This one even became syndicated. But in reality, when put on the spot, I panic and all that intellect inside me devolves into panic and maybe a stink eye at the very most. My boss felt the same...she leads lectures on disability etiquette and even she was so caught off guard that she felt confused on how to react so just rolled past her. ] Will we go viral for crossing the street to head back to our office?  

This incident made me realize that I am no different than Kurt Russell at a Walgreen's.. And that woman breaking her neck to take unauthorized video is me. OK, that's a weird sentence without any context so let me rewind. 

While we were in Atlanta last month for a mini road trip, we hopped into a Walgreen's near downtown to pick up a few things we forgot to pack. As we were starting up the car to depart, a man walked right next to the handicapped space and Jamie nonchalantly said, "That guy kinda looks like Kurt Russell." Because he is one of my mature gentleman crushes, and his likeness is ingrained on my consciousness, I immediately squealed, "That IS Kurt Russell!!!' 

We couldn't leave.  I had to be sure. The Internet is my best friend, so I immediately googled "Kurt Russell + Atlanta" and verified that he was in town filming the sequel to Guardians of The Galaxy!  We considered going in and attempting to brush hands while reaching for TP or a bag of Nice! gummy snacks [Tangent: Even though I know Mr. Russell would spring for the Haribo. He can afford that luxury.], but we just stayed in the car like pansies and hypothesized about his purchases and pretended everyone else entering and exiting was also a celebrity, based on who they kinda looked like. As he emerged like a butterfly from a drugstore chrysalis, I snapped this picture of him. 

 I felt a shred of guilt staking him out and posting a picture to social media (and now to this blog) without his consent. Then after that run-in with the lookie-lou on 21st Avenue when I was with my boss, I felt even worse. I tried to tell myself that he is friggin' Kurt Russell and getting his photo taken at a Walgreen's is an regular as the Sunday paper, but it temporarily made me feel heaps of guilt. 

My only consolation was considering the context behind the actions. Mine was "AHHHH! Kurt Russell...I love him!! No one will believe me! How cool is this!??!" and this lady was likely more like "AHHH!!! Look at this cuteness. Wheelchair people out in the wild!!" Life is weird.

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