Sunday, November 6, 2016

An Honest Lipsense Review (with a discount!)- Ugh...I drank the Kool-Aid


 A few months back, my fellow blogger/internet friend Ash participated on a 30 Day Lipstick Challenge on instagram...this meant she wore lipstick for 30 consecutive days. To some this is the norm and a "challenge" that they could sleepwalk through, but to me (at the time) it seemed like an insane impossibility. [Tangent: Let me backtrack. I love makeup. LOVE IT! I don't live in it. I sometimes even go to work without a stitch on because sleep > makeup, but I sold it for YEARS back when I was in college and shortly thereafter and amassed drawers and drawers full. Even still, lipstick has ALWAYS been my Achilles heel.] Since childhood, when I played with my mom's cosmetic stash, I have been unable to look like a normal human while wearing lip product. To keep it from getting on my teeth (which is inevitably does), my knee jerk reaction is to pucker and part my lips [Tangent:... in that really unfortunate looking way that can only call to mind Jamie Fox's Wanda character from In Living Color. It's not what I would call a "sexy" look. ] for this reason I have been a big proponent of a nice tinted chap stick or just go with a very literal nude lip. In other words my Bonne Bell gets more mileage than my MAC. [Tangent: What can I say, MAC has yet to make a $2 lip gloss that tastes like a sparkly cousin of vanilla frosting. GET ON IT, ALREADY!]

 However, I am now mere days away from 34 and have decided I need to try to behave like an human woman [Tangent: I mean the kind that wanted all of the Disney Lego mini-figures, who loves the Little Debbie product line more than is healthy and who thinks farts are hilarious...but a woman nonetheless.] For that reason, even though I am not so much a beauty blogger, I feel compelled to tell you about a product that has transformed me into a lipstick person...in an honest way.[Tangent: No, I'm not steering my blog towards that...but I love a good no BS review. Also, while I'm in brackets- I don't mean that now I am a literal anthropromorpic tube of lipstick...that would be startling.] This also entauls having my big meatball head all over the net. Here goes. 

A few months ago, my friend Alex started selling something called Lipsense [Tangent: Virtually all my friends with kids have a home business, so I have an inordinate amount of Lularoe leggings and fiber lash mascara, and essential oils and anything else that is sold online or at parties.  I'm a sucker for an impulse buy...shhh...don't tell. Because of this, I have an equal number of purchases I rave about and purchases dripping with buyer's remorse. Actually probably more of the latter.] Prior to Alex, I had never heard of the stuff and you know my position on lip product, so even though it seemed legit and she was ultra crazy enthusiastic about it, I was incredibly cynical and gave a HARD pass initially. [Tangent: I am about to say something that will prove my design snobbery, but I have told Alex this time and time again in person, so I have no issue stating it on the internet for all to hear. Senegence, the parent company of Lipsense, spends very little on marketing and design because they instead spend that money toward new colors, products etc. The logo, branding and marketing materials need a complete update because the font is DISTRESSING, and I don't think reflect the quality of the product! I thought it gave off a dated or matronly vibe and didn't match the price point. If they are looking for someone to design them some new marketing materials, I'm on board. Call me, Mr. Senegence...if that is your real name.]

All my snobbish tendencies pushed aside, I soon found I was dead wrong in my bitchy assumptions- the product is begrudgingly DAMN GOOD! Apparently you shouldn't judge a makeup item by its cover because I have now 100% drank the Kool-Aid and I love it. In fact-  it's pretty much all I wear on the day to day since about April because I don't have to reapply and it doesn't budge for up to 18 hours once swiped on. [Tangent: This is essential for me because on any given day I do breathing treatments and am picked up by others, so my lip product really needs to stay put and not get all over everything and everyone in my periphery. I'm also inherently lazy so I love the fact that I just have to do my makeup in the morning and I'm golden till nighttime when I take it off with a makeup wipe...at least my lips are.]  And I don't mean that in a "says it doesn't budge" kind of way...like you can literally eat and drink and hardcore make-out with multiple partners [Tangent: Ya know...a given Tuesday.] and you will be still looking like you just put it on. Alex even went to the dentist with hers on. [Tangent: And yes, I am sure she is super excited this picture is on the internet now.]


There are some things which are different about it...not necessarily bad... just things that you have to get used to, so I'd rather tell you about them so you aren't surprised. The scent/texture/feel took a minute to adjust to because it is so drastically different than anything else [Tangent: It has a sort of alcohol-y smell, but I got used to it pretty quick...and by second application, it didn't phase me a bit.] because unlike other products- it bonds to your lip instead of sitting atop them. You apply in three one swipe layers (letting each dry in between) and then top with a gloss coat, specially formulated to seal in the color.  [Tangent: I realize that regiment sounds hella tedious...but it's really not. You're only gonna have to do it once daily, and it really only takes a minute and a half.]

Then there are the things which are awesome- its vegan and cruelty-free and anti-aging and devoid of wax, lead or anything which might cause cancer or make your future babies grow tails. [Tangent: I mean babies with tails sound real cute theoretically...but probably better kept in your imagination.]

Because I am edgy as a butter knife, I started with a color simply called nude [SO RISKY!], but I loved it so much soon I had welcomed a rainbow of shades into the fold..from a deep plum to a pale pinky nude called First Love (the ultimate everyday color!).  [Tangent: Also, Christina Aguilera and Jennifer Anniston live and die by the stuff...and those are two very different ends of the makeup spectrum...so there are lots of options available.] Also I kind of like the idea that I can get all mad scientist with it and do a layer of one color then a layer of different color etc to really make the colors work for me. Even the different glosses can change the look a little depending on their tint or opacity. It makes me feel like I am using my art minor. [Tangent: Color mixing, yo!]
top row: Bella w/ opal gloss (L) Plum w/ glossy gloss (R); Bottom row: Nude w/ glossy gloss (L) First Love with opal gloss (R)
In case you need more shots of my giant noggin...and evidence that I can't make a normal face in photos and own too many glasses, check out the pic below. Even though the background is the clutter- filled guest room, it illustrates that I finally found a perfect red lip that doesn't rub all over making me look like a sad clown on a bender by the end of the day; I'm generally not going for that aesthetic. This is miracle of miracles [Tangent: About 3 years ago, I finally became able to wear red lipstick in public and not feel like a craigslist prostitute or someone wearing a costume. I finally got used to seeing it on my face and not being completely freaked out by it. I even (dare I say) liked it. Progress.] I was extremely doubtful that it would stay and that my lips wouldn't appear to be molting after a few hours, but no BS, they looked great...even hours later. I loved it. So hard. And I HATE being wrong...so this admission is very hard on my ego. 
I literally just went to Walgreens wearing crimson red,  but I felt like a sex pot picking up RX's and discount Halloween candy.
I would not bullshit you, the system is a teench pricey (for a goodwill gal like moi) at $50, the color ($25) and then a necessary topping gloss ($25) to seal it in [Tangent: I repeat! YOU HAVE TO HAVE BOTH COMPONENTS. The color won't work without the sealing layer...I tried.],  but honestly that is but a drop in the bucket next to the drawerful of untouched lipcolor I have. [Tangent: I don't know about other distributors, but I know Alex offers a money back guarantee or the ability to swap out your color so you won't feel like you're gambling your monies or just straight up throwing it out a speeding car window. She understands it's an odd experience to buy makeup online, and to be honest, some of the colors look a little different online (hence why I included the below picture). She wants you to love it like she does. And if want to see what a color looks like on an actual human, she can send you examples or see them posted in her open and very helpful FB group.]  It's a great way to try it out. Here's a good look at some of their best sellers.
If you have about a million questions, feel free to leave them in my comments section or hit up Alex's FB group for a color recommendation (or to see some other colors that might not be available on the site), she loves the opportunity to recommend things and forced me to step outside the beige. 

I'm a big girl now! Thanks Lipsense. 

OH YES... Alex is offering my readers a chance to get 10% off and free shipping if they buy product through this link and write in the notes section "Sent by That Girl in the Wheelchair"! She'll then invoice you with the discounted rate.
Any Questions?

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