Wednesday, January 4, 2017

The Bachelor is back, so welcome back shoulder shirts!

As I've written about before, you know I love some pretty POS reality shows. Somewhere in my personal pantheon (nestled probably between Rupaul's Drag race and 90 Day FiancĂ©e) is the Bachelor [Tangent: ...and it's sister series (Bachelorette) and its drunker, more fun cousin (Bachelor in Paradise)]...and guess what?  It's back. You know what that means? Shoulders aplenty.

Confused? Let me explain.

Even though the producers of the series probably would like to think they are giving you a diverse pool of women [Tangent: Please stifle your laughing at the ridiculousness of my prior statement. This year there are actually MANY women of color which makes my heart happy. It's a step towards maybe even GASP! having a black Bachelor in seasons to come.], they all share a common look. Hair that looks casually tousled (meaning it probably took several hours with a wide barrel curling wand) and some form of blousy boho shirt which inexplicably has no shoulders. Shoulders are really the star of the show.

I'm no fashionista, but even I recognize that this is a very specific and confusing look that is rarely sighted in the wild, but that I see in every episode of the Bachelor franchise. [Tangent: In episode one of Nick's season I spotted 3.5 in the first 30 minutes. In fact one spunky Arkansas boutique owner had a whole store with racks and racks of them. Oh and the .5 that I am counting was a woman named Vanessa who wore a chunky cardigan sweater in her interview package, but it never touched her shoulders.]  I even have come to call them "Bachelor shirts" because they seem to look best when staring wistfully out a window or off a craggy cliff.
Sometimes it makes sense or even has an easy breezy quality, especially in "paradise" because I get they are OD'ing on "beach vibes", but other times it makes zero sense. Why would JoJo wear a turtleneck sweater with no shoulders? She looks stunning in white, so I get it- wear white all day/everyday...but I imagine they are making for some weird tan lines. Are they getting them for free. Is there some kind of exclusive promo code for Bachelor nation that is only redeemable on shirts missing shoulders.

 The first time I really took notice of this apparent trend, was when I saw single mom with the voice of a Disney heroine, Amanda, wear this look for a hometown visit. It stopped me in my tracks.  It immediately caused me to caucus with my fellow garbage TV watcher about it via group text for way longer than anyone should discuss an article of clothing.

It wasn't a "Let's rag on this outfit" kind of conversation; logistically we just couldn't wrap our minds around it.  

How was it staying up? 
Why sleeves? 
How were they attached? 
Were they attached? 
Can you wear a bra with this? 

 I was so distracted by the gravity defying top that I probably missed 90% of their date. It seemed cumbersome and way more work than a shirt should be...then I noticed she was wearing them in nearly every episode. I guess I must commend her for having a signature look.

One would think with this over abundance of off-the-shoulder blouses, it would be literally impossible to have one that stands out above the rest. Au contraire mon frere! There is one that goes in the hall of fame! I would give the shoulderless crown to Carly of Bachelor in Paradise [Tangent: Probably one of my all-time favorite contestants.] who wore this look, which combined 4 things which are so specific to the franchise but don't really go together in a conventional sense: The color red, lace, shoulders and a romper.

I'll end by apologizing because now I feel if you are a fan of the show and haven't already made this assessment that this is all you are going to see when you tune in. I'm sorry. Maybe turn it into a drinking game, a sip for a shoulder. Well, maybe will get alcohol poisoning.

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